a plan-ish
Guess what?!?!?!
B made his ultrasound appointment!! And, only what, one month after the last appointment and referral date! Way to go B!! The appointment is set for March 10th. He'll have the ultrasound and do a repeat s/a that day. I don't think I'll take the day to be with him, but if he wants me to I will.
I feel so bad. Every time I try to talk fertility crap with B, he gets really sad and depressed and won't even look at me. I think he feels guilty about all of this, but he doesn't really want to tell me how he is feeling or anything. I know it is harder for him and that he doesn't have the outlets that I do. I can't help but wonder if he doesn't want kids badly enough to go through with this. Oh, please let them find something correctable in the ultrasound, or half a dozen sperm in the analysis.
So, my hope is that B will make a urologist appointment very soon after the test day to go over the results. I do want to be at that appointment. Then, I'd love to take a day off, and have B do the same, and try to visit 2-3 RE's to see what they think is best for us. B can have a testicular biopsy covered under his insurance through the urologist, but if they find any swimmers, they won't save them. After that, we are 100% on our own.
So, I hope that by the end of March, we've picked an RE and have a plan for getting pregnant in place. With the whole I'm about to lose my job thing, we really can't foresee moving ahead with IVF/ICIS in the near future. I guess the good thing is that we've cut our spending tremendously and have been putting that into savings in case either of us does get permanty laid off. Let's just hope that doesn't happen and that that money can go towards baby.
But, if we do end up with job security and are financially able to move forward, I'd love to cycle this June/July. Does that seem too fast? Can we do it? My cycles are short (25-ish days, hello LP defect...) so I know I'll have several opportunites for bloodwork and tests.
If anyone has any winning lottery tickets they want to give up, or any money they don't need, I'd love to put it toward IVF!
B made his ultrasound appointment!! And, only what, one month after the last appointment and referral date! Way to go B!! The appointment is set for March 10th. He'll have the ultrasound and do a repeat s/a that day. I don't think I'll take the day to be with him, but if he wants me to I will.
I feel so bad. Every time I try to talk fertility crap with B, he gets really sad and depressed and won't even look at me. I think he feels guilty about all of this, but he doesn't really want to tell me how he is feeling or anything. I know it is harder for him and that he doesn't have the outlets that I do. I can't help but wonder if he doesn't want kids badly enough to go through with this. Oh, please let them find something correctable in the ultrasound, or half a dozen sperm in the analysis.
So, my hope is that B will make a urologist appointment very soon after the test day to go over the results. I do want to be at that appointment. Then, I'd love to take a day off, and have B do the same, and try to visit 2-3 RE's to see what they think is best for us. B can have a testicular biopsy covered under his insurance through the urologist, but if they find any swimmers, they won't save them. After that, we are 100% on our own.
So, I hope that by the end of March, we've picked an RE and have a plan for getting pregnant in place. With the whole I'm about to lose my job thing, we really can't foresee moving ahead with IVF/ICIS in the near future. I guess the good thing is that we've cut our spending tremendously and have been putting that into savings in case either of us does get permanty laid off. Let's just hope that doesn't happen and that that money can go towards baby.
But, if we do end up with job security and are financially able to move forward, I'd love to cycle this June/July. Does that seem too fast? Can we do it? My cycles are short (25-ish days, hello LP defect...) so I know I'll have several opportunites for bloodwork and tests.
If anyone has any winning lottery tickets they want to give up, or any money they don't need, I'd love to put it toward IVF!
This whole process always seems to chug along so so slowly...with the testing, the appointments...it feels like it will be FOREVER before you get to try (again) to have a baby. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteIt does feel good to have a plan, but it still feels like it will take forever to get started.
ReplyDeleteTry to be patient. My thoughts are with you!
I am so happy B scheduled the U/S. It is very hard for the guys to express themselves. I think my DH feels like he has let ME personally down due to his Azoo. He told me one time "what is my part in this world if I can't reproduce?" That still makes me tear up...I think I have FINALLY got him to realize WE are the reason he is here-the rest is bonus. Just keep hugging him, and telling him how much you love HIM.
ReplyDeleteThis whole process is SLOW! I was so naive when we started. I thought 3 months tops!! LOL. Never pray for patience...God just might make you infertile! :)
At the rate we are going we will cycle with you in July! LOL
Yay, a plan! So glad to hear this, Emmy. It sounds like things will move along and hopefully you'll cycle this summer!!
ReplyDeleteI promise, if I had lottery tickets I'd be shipping them to you! Ok, no, I'm lying. I'd hoard them like a rabid squirrel facing drought.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can start the cycle in June! What a wonderful time to begin trying - June is such a lovely-weather kind of month.
ICLS
A plan is great news! My hubby also feels guilty about this and it is so hard b/c I feel bad on my own but then I feel bad feeling bad b/c then he feels worse.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you have a plan-ish set. It does tend to go more slowly that we ever want, but try to focus on one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteThe same things happened with me and my husband, especially in the first year and a half. I would feel bad talking to him about it, because he would feel guilty. So I started pulling away and hiding my feelings from him. It led to some pretty rough relationship problems, so I would encourage you to TALK, TALK, TALK and be open with him about how you're feeling.
Is there anything that makes him feel better and get out his feelings? I found out my husband started "talking" to the dog on their walks (that sounds crazy, but it worked for him), and also working out helped too. Try to keep the lines of communication open, even when he feels guilty and doesn't want to talk.
Hugs to you both.
I'm glad the appointment is scheduled. When M was first going through all the testing it was very hard for him to actually make the appointments.
ReplyDeleteI can also relate to the feeling of guilt your husband maybe feeling. My husband did feel a lot of guilt and told me on many occasions that he would understand if I wanted to leave him. I think it is a very lonely place for men in this position. I got to the point where I tried to be Little Suzie Sunshine all the time because I didn't want my sadness over not being able to get pregnant to cause him more pain.
{{HUGS}}