calling all lawyers
Because there is never enough drama in my life....
First, a "quick" back story: When my dad died, my parents were separated. They had not divorced, thus my dad's life insurance and will named my mom as the beneficiary. My grandparents decided that because my parents were separated, my mom should not get a penny of his money. (my mom was still a stay-at-home-mom and dependent on my dad for any money) My mom pretty much conceded, and trusts were set up for my brother and I with the money they took from my mom. (they also made her pay them back money they had given my dad to pay off the mortgage on the house). My grandparents were quite well off on their own, and what my dad left was nothing compared to their assets. After my dad died, my grandparents changed their will so that their estate would be split between their two surviving sons, essentially cutting my brother and I out of my dad's share. They did set up a small trust for us, which we would get when we turn 40.
Now for the issue at hand. My brother died with about $15,000 debt, mostly in a car loan. This does not include the over $14,000 it cost for the funeral. My mom and step dad are unemployed. They closed their failing business about 6 weeks ago because of the economy. They have no money to pay for these debts. One might think that because my brother had assets in trust, that could pay his expenses. He had even asked our uncle C for some of his money to help him get out from some of his debts and my uncle agreed 2 days before he died. Now, uncle A(ss) is saying absolutely not-- that it is not his money as he is no longer living. Apparently, assuming I live 5 more months, it's mine. I had already told my mom that if I am the beneficiary of brother's estate, I'll pay her back for her expenses.
I got a call from uncle Ass on Monday telling me that he wanted to give me some of my money, so I could invest it as I saw fit, but now he doesn't want to, because he is worried that my mom is going to ask me for some of it to pay brother's bills. I told him that she would never do anything like that, because she respects me and knows that I will do what I want with my money. (I, of course, didn't mention that the first thing I plan to do when I see any money is pay my mom back.) This was the first time I spoke to Ass since my brother's funeral, and he didn't even ask me how I was. He also kept telling me how distraught my mom is, and I said, well, she did just lose her only son...
Here's the real question, and I'm sorry I've rambled to get to this point. Uncle Ass is a lawyer. He wrote the trust, is trustee, had power of attorney to sign for my grandparents, and is the beneficiary of all assets if I die. Does that seem wrong to anyone? Should someone be able to write a trust for someone else for whom they have power of attorney and write themselves as beneficiary and be the trustee? I feel like there should be a 3rd party involved to ensure nothing unsavory.
It's not about the money. I don't care. I would give away all of my money and possessions and live on the street to get my brother and my father back. Yes, especially now, the money will be helpful and reduce some of the stresses in my life (pink slip, IVF, house repairs, etc...) but most of all, I want to make sure that I am treated fairly and that the ass doesn't make out like a bandit from this.
Thanks for any thoughts/advice.
Oh, I am cutting off all contact will uncle Ass as of now. My brother wanted to years ago, because he has always been unkind to us, but I fought to keep connections to my dads family alive. After this, I don't think I could see his face without wanting to punch him. I do, however, plan to see uncle C, who has been nothing but kind and trying to tell my mom that everything will be ok and that he will help take care of it. I can only hope that some day Ass gets to feel all of the pain that he has caused my mother, brother, and me.
First, a "quick" back story: When my dad died, my parents were separated. They had not divorced, thus my dad's life insurance and will named my mom as the beneficiary. My grandparents decided that because my parents were separated, my mom should not get a penny of his money. (my mom was still a stay-at-home-mom and dependent on my dad for any money) My mom pretty much conceded, and trusts were set up for my brother and I with the money they took from my mom. (they also made her pay them back money they had given my dad to pay off the mortgage on the house). My grandparents were quite well off on their own, and what my dad left was nothing compared to their assets. After my dad died, my grandparents changed their will so that their estate would be split between their two surviving sons, essentially cutting my brother and I out of my dad's share. They did set up a small trust for us, which we would get when we turn 40.
Now for the issue at hand. My brother died with about $15,000 debt, mostly in a car loan. This does not include the over $14,000 it cost for the funeral. My mom and step dad are unemployed. They closed their failing business about 6 weeks ago because of the economy. They have no money to pay for these debts. One might think that because my brother had assets in trust, that could pay his expenses. He had even asked our uncle C for some of his money to help him get out from some of his debts and my uncle agreed 2 days before he died. Now, uncle A(ss) is saying absolutely not-- that it is not his money as he is no longer living. Apparently, assuming I live 5 more months, it's mine. I had already told my mom that if I am the beneficiary of brother's estate, I'll pay her back for her expenses.
I got a call from uncle Ass on Monday telling me that he wanted to give me some of my money, so I could invest it as I saw fit, but now he doesn't want to, because he is worried that my mom is going to ask me for some of it to pay brother's bills. I told him that she would never do anything like that, because she respects me and knows that I will do what I want with my money. (I, of course, didn't mention that the first thing I plan to do when I see any money is pay my mom back.) This was the first time I spoke to Ass since my brother's funeral, and he didn't even ask me how I was. He also kept telling me how distraught my mom is, and I said, well, she did just lose her only son...
Here's the real question, and I'm sorry I've rambled to get to this point. Uncle Ass is a lawyer. He wrote the trust, is trustee, had power of attorney to sign for my grandparents, and is the beneficiary of all assets if I die. Does that seem wrong to anyone? Should someone be able to write a trust for someone else for whom they have power of attorney and write themselves as beneficiary and be the trustee? I feel like there should be a 3rd party involved to ensure nothing unsavory.
It's not about the money. I don't care. I would give away all of my money and possessions and live on the street to get my brother and my father back. Yes, especially now, the money will be helpful and reduce some of the stresses in my life (pink slip, IVF, house repairs, etc...) but most of all, I want to make sure that I am treated fairly and that the ass doesn't make out like a bandit from this.
Thanks for any thoughts/advice.
Oh, I am cutting off all contact will uncle Ass as of now. My brother wanted to years ago, because he has always been unkind to us, but I fought to keep connections to my dads family alive. After this, I don't think I could see his face without wanting to punch him. I do, however, plan to see uncle C, who has been nothing but kind and trying to tell my mom that everything will be ok and that he will help take care of it. I can only hope that some day Ass gets to feel all of the pain that he has caused my mother, brother, and me.
what a sour situation. Family and money always seems to cause trouble. I honestly don't know about the legality of Uncle A being in charge of all that money-unfortunately it is probably perfectly legal. Lawyers know all the slimy loopholes.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!!!
I'm not an attorney, but I work in the legal field...
ReplyDeleteLaws vary from state to state and I can't remember which state you are in. The fact that he wrote everything and is the beneficiary to everything is highly suspect to me. I do know that attorney's are supposed to avoid the appearance of impropriety and in this case, it doesn't seem as if your uncle has done that. I have some serious ethical concerns... I would consult a independent attorney. (Usually initial consults are free.) What your uncle has done might actually be illegal.
I mean... I'm a Notary Public... I'm not allowed to notarize my own documents... It's considered unethical for me to notarize documents for family members. It would be incredibly unethical for me to notarize a document for my Mom that said "I leave Candi $1,000,000 when I die and nothing else to my other children." My siblings would have every right to try to challenge that in court! I don't see why the same principles wouldn't apply here.
Bottom line - To get what is owed to you and before your brother's money is squandered or somehow "disappears", consult an independent attorney.
wow, uncle ass seems like a real piece of work. i would definitely talk to a lawyer about this...something seems a little fishy here.
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm so sorry that there is another stress going on here for you. I can't answer these questions for you, but it definitely seems like your uncle is doing something unethical as a lawyer even if it is not illegal. But the ABA should have ethical standards that are linked to his standing at the bar, I would think.
ReplyDeleteAs for what you should do, given the situation, I would feel no qualms about lying to the uncle and saying you plan on using any money from the trust for your own purposes and you have reasons you need money. And then once the money is yours give it to your mom.
Also, I'm not sure about legality of debts after a death, but my understanding is that you are not responsible for your brother's debts. If anything, if his debt is mostly the car, let the car be repossessed by the lien holder.