for really real?

So often, I stop and think, is this really my life now?  For real?  For really real?  No, seriously, who's playing this joke on me?

It feels like a dream... or someone else's reality that I somehow stepped into.  We have a baby.  A real, live, smiling, crying, adorable baby.  For a year, at least, I am a stay at home mom.  That is something I never thought would happen.  Well, I guess all of it is something I never thought would happen!  

We moved to a new state almost two weeks ago, and it is strange.  I miss home.  I miss the weather at home.  I really need to stop calling old city home and thinking of this new place as home.  It's really hot here.  Today, for example, it is 30 degrees warmer here than at "home."  New people are living in our old house.  I hate the thought of another family living in the home that we spent four years making ours.  It's where we tried to have a baby the natural way, and with our medical interventions.  It's where we brought J home from the hospital and made her nursery.  It's where we imagined spending the rest of our lives together with whoever else we managed to bring into our family.  Now another family lives there.  

The new house is good-- although we haven't moved in yet.  It's similar to old house, but a little bigger.  We are painting it to look very much like old home.  It's a blessing, because I can stay home with my little cutie there, whereas I would be preparing to go back to work if we didn't have to move.  None the less, I am having a hard time being away from family and friends.  I miss being able to throw J into the car, drive 25 minutes, and be at my mom's house.  I miss my friends, even though I didn't see them too often, knowing they were there was a comfort.  It will be nice to be out of temporary housing and have all of our "stuff" back.  It's been two weeks living with all we could fit in our cars.  

Juliet is doing great.  She makes me smile constantly, and I am still in awe that she's ours and really here.  I'm somebody's mom.  She'd rather be with me than anyone else, and she shows it.  She is mostly a happy girl, as long as she is well rested.  She has a hard time sleeping, as she wants to be a part of all the action and refuses to sleep!  She is not on any sort of a schedule, but I try to get her to sleep after she's been awake for 2ish hours or so.  At night, she sleeps in our bed with us, which was never part of the 'plan' but has become something I truly enjoy.  She loves her daddy, and especially loves when both of us are close together and playing with her.  She smiles and laughs, can sit up unassisted for a minute or so, an is close to cutting her first tooth.  

I do get frustrated at times and want a break at times, but generally, my little 5 month old is doing fantastic!