lots

I have a lot to post. My brain is a scattered mess of it all, and I don't know whether to put it all in one post and break it into sections, or put it in multiple posts.

Most pressing right now is my mother. I'm finding myself needing to take care of her and resume a parental role to her, as I did after my dad died. I am finding myself resenting her for it this time and don't know how to handle it. I don't have the emotional capacity to take care of anyone right now. What people don't understand is that I was grieving our IF before I was grieving my brother's death. I can't rebuild her just yet. I need someone to help rebuild me. I think I have the support network, if I asked for help, I don't know what to say to people, and they don't know what to say to to me!

Next post to include (hopefully) stories of the REs and the choices to come, vacation, fun things I've done the last few days, fun things this weekend, cancer, and questions about grieving.

Comments

  1. LorzaJuly 16, 2009 at 7:12 AM

    You have so much on your mind now- I could see how it would be so hard. Asking for help is the hardest part- but I am sure people would want to help you. These people in your life may feel like you WANT to be the rebuilder since you 'did it last time'.

    I hope you do ask for some help, but I really don't know what to tell you say. Perhaps go in with some scripted phrases so you have your thoughts together. Ask for specific things ie "I need help in spending time with Mom in the evenings" or "I need you to take mom to her weekly XXX" Make sense?

    I know sometimes people want to help, but they don't know what to do- or feel if they suggest the wrong thing to do they may offend you.

    You definately need to take care of yourself-emotional wellbeing is JUST as important as physcial well being.

    {{{HUGS}}}

    Can't wait to hear of the vacays and RE visits soon!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. CocoJuly 16, 2009 at 7:19 AM

    I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this at once. I can't imagine how hard it must be. While I haven't suffered the loss of a family member, I feel like I had to do some of the same thing with my mom after her divorce. At one point I just had to step back and realize that I couldn't do it all for her. I do spend lots of time with her still but have had to learn to take some time for myself when I need it. Hopefully you can find that happy medium. I'll be praying you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LesleeJuly 16, 2009 at 8:12 AM

    I can't even imagine... take care of yourself first!

    ReplyDelete
  4. VA BlondieJuly 16, 2009 at 4:32 PM

    You do have a lot going on. I hope you get all the help you need, and I hope things get better

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's you!

"It's you!  I just know it!  You've lost some weight, it must be because of the morning sickness!" No, it's not me.  I'm not pregnant. "But is HAS to be you.  Who else could it be?  You just don't want to tell because it is too early" No, really.  It's not me.  I promise.  I haven't cheated on my husband.   "Well, who else could it be?" Um, one of the other 20 teachers of child bearing age at this school.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've guessed the other two pregnant teachers, before I even knew there were pregnant teachers at my school.  I have 'pregodar' (like gaydar, but for preggos) and really can sense the preggos around me.  I hadn't pegged a 3rd teacher, but I heard a rumor that there is a third when I started being hounded, and I think I have it figured out.  Its the one on her 3rd engagement and 3rd marriage in 5 years.  She's reaching the top of her realistic baby time, so it makes sense. 
Read more

plugging along

Image
There really isn't much to say at this point.  I'm plugging along, doing fine. Yesterday, I bowed out of a BBQ with B's family.  In May I mentioned BIL's ex and her "surprise" (planned) pregnancy.  One of the reasons for this BBQ was for BIL's birthday, and she decided to drive down to attend (she's still living 5-6 hours away).  She's like 26 weeks pregnant, and the thought of having to spend the day with her made me feel ill.  BIL isn't planning on living with her and the baby or marrying her, but will go visit often.  She is such an attention whore, I couldn't deal with her talking about the baby and flaunting the fact that she is still around because of it.  I've felt a little bit of a cold coming on, so I exaggerated it and stayed home.  I did end up throwing up my dinner, so I'm glad I didn't go. I felt a little guilty about skipping out on this, but I got over it quickly.  MIL was hoping that B and I would announce our
Read more

off with the crazies

Well, as expected, I had a pretty crappy Christmas.  Christmas eve was actually the best part.  We always celebrate on Christmas eve with my mom's side of the family.  That was actually fine.  Christmas day, not so much.  First, at my dad's side of the family lunch, I've never felt like such an outsider.  Christmas at the IL's started out fine.  BIL's dumb girlfriend decided to group each person's gifts in a pile, and we opened gifts one person at a time.  This took forever, and was kind of annoying.  For this group, we set up a gift exchange with B's brothers, so that we didn't have to buy for everyone.  I did the arranging for this, and think I did a good job.  I gave everyone opportunity to give input and include anyone else who was not included (didn't know if BIL's girlfriend was coming), compiled the responses, and sent out the information.  After all of that, B's brother went and got something for everyone, which really set me off.  Be
Read more