mental breakdown #4265... oh crap, i can't keep track
Yeah, Sunday was bad. Lots and lots of tears. That baby shower evite hit me harder than I thought it would. I just kept thinking about this girl and how it is never going to be me. B could clearly tell that I was not doing well, and asked what he could do. I, of course, told him that he was doing everything that he could, although then I changed my mind and told him that he could schedule the follow up urologist appointment for a few days after the ultrasound. I want to know what we are up against even if we can't cycle for a year.
I was able to calm down and B and I had some fun going down memory lane of our childhoods. We each had a box of photos and old things that we hadn't looked at. That was a ton of fun. I especially liked seeing pictures of my dad. B hasn't seen many pictures of him, as he wouldn't really let people take pictures of him.
Then the work email came. Cuts at my level are expected to go much deeper than I thought they would. From what it looks like, I'll be laid off and I'll be the 17th person rehired back if they have any jobs. 17 is SOOO many people to get rehired. I was expecting to be laid off, but to be like the 5th-7th person rehired which is much more likely to happen.
Needless to say, this set me off again. It feels like my world is crumbling down around me. A year ago I was so happy and optimistic. B and I were settling into our house, work was going well, B had decided that he was ready to ttc, and life was just great. Now I am losing my job and we can't get pregnant. Any hope of IVF soon is out the window with no job. We are stocking a lot of money into savings right now, either for IVF or to pay the mortgage when I am unemployed.
Any bit of hope I had that things could work out for us have been crushed. I'll be out late tonight at the school board meeting, finding out my fate.
I was able to calm down and B and I had some fun going down memory lane of our childhoods. We each had a box of photos and old things that we hadn't looked at. That was a ton of fun. I especially liked seeing pictures of my dad. B hasn't seen many pictures of him, as he wouldn't really let people take pictures of him.
Then the work email came. Cuts at my level are expected to go much deeper than I thought they would. From what it looks like, I'll be laid off and I'll be the 17th person rehired back if they have any jobs. 17 is SOOO many people to get rehired. I was expecting to be laid off, but to be like the 5th-7th person rehired which is much more likely to happen.
Needless to say, this set me off again. It feels like my world is crumbling down around me. A year ago I was so happy and optimistic. B and I were settling into our house, work was going well, B had decided that he was ready to ttc, and life was just great. Now I am losing my job and we can't get pregnant. Any hope of IVF soon is out the window with no job. We are stocking a lot of money into savings right now, either for IVF or to pay the mortgage when I am unemployed.
Any bit of hope I had that things could work out for us have been crushed. I'll be out late tonight at the school board meeting, finding out my fate.
Emmy, I'm so sorry things are tough right now. All I can say is that I hope the district is being REALLY cautious, and that they will need to re-hire many back, if not all of you.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on saving up; but I know how hard it is to want money for treatments and to not have it. We've been saving for 18 months for this cycle, so I sort of know how you feel. Try to take things one step at a time, so you don't get too overwhelmed.
Good luck tonight!
{{HUGS}} I am so sorry that you are going through this. That is awesome that you and B got to take that trip down memory lane. I think that helps keep you grounded in tough times. Remembering.
ReplyDeleteGood luck girl, and I am praying for you Emmy!!!!
I'm so sorry! I know full well what unstable job situations can be like. Hang in there because you will get through all this.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Em!! HUGE (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteP&PT sent your way hun!
I am SO sorry to read this Emmy! Just remember that things will get better.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything goes well tonight.
Oh Emmy, I'm so sorry. That sucks. Just plain sucks. (((HUGS))). I hope things work out differently and you can somehow get rehired quickly (or, not get laid off in the first place). I'll be thinking of you tonight!
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))) I hope the stimulus plan does some good for CA. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to not only lose your job, but think about what that means for your other plans.
ReplyDelete