tears

I've been hit by overwhelming sadness.  My BFNs have destroyed me more than I thought possible.  

The past seven days have been incredibly emotional and life changing in ways that have nothing to do with making babies.  We are now unemployed, moving, and filled with uncertainty in nearly every aspect of our lives.  As horrible of timing as pregnancy would have been with all that the past week has brought us, it was my glimmer of hope.  My hope that something good might actually happen.  The part about trying again has also been taken from us.  We can't very well put money into fertility treatments when we have no more income.  I think that is where it stings the most.  If I knew that we could just try again in a month or two, I think I would be handling this better.  We also got news, less than two weeks ago, that our donor is most likely done helping us.  September would have been the last month for him to help, but now I guess it's done.  We do have about 10 mil. sperm on ice.  Not really enough for IUI, but the vials should give us enough for 2-3 IVF cycles, if we ever get there.  

I just can't stop the tears.  I know it is more than just the BFN getting me.  I know it is everything that the last 7 days have brought us just exploding.  I just can't stop it though.  And, of course, I could go out tonight with some mom friends, but they are going to see What to Expect when You're Expecting, and I just can't stomach sitting through that.  



Comments

  1. AlettaJuly 24, 2012 at 10:15 AM

    *hugs* That's an unimaginable amount of stuff to have to deal with all in one week. Sending P&PTs. I hope you find a light at the end of the tunnel soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LaurenJuly 24, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    Oh my, that is so much for you to have to deal with! I'm so sorry things just seem to be falling apart right now:(

    ReplyDelete
  3. NoelleJuly 24, 2012 at 12:08 PM

    I'm so sorry that this is happening. It's understandable that you are heartbroken, scared...It's just not fair. I'm holding you in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MissyJuly 24, 2012 at 6:07 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear this. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LeslieJuly 24, 2012 at 7:45 PM

    I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I wish there was more that I could to help. Although our situation is a little different, I know the anxiety that uncertainty can bring and I am so sorry. I have alot of uncertainty in my life right now too. I hope that things look brighter for you very soon!! (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  6. someday-soonJuly 25, 2012 at 6:38 AM

    I'm so sorry {{{HUGS}}} IF just sucks, that's all there is to it. Hope things look up very, very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Gemini MommaJuly 25, 2012 at 3:54 PM

    Oh no, Emmy, I'm so sorry to hear all this. Hugs to you. :(

    ReplyDelete
  8. RuthJuly 28, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    :( I'm so sorry Emmy

    ReplyDelete
  9. EllaJuly 28, 2012 at 9:04 PM

    Oh Emmy, that is sooo much to deal with over the course of only a week :( I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. CeCeAugust 18, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    Ugh, so sorry for all you are going through. I am in a similar boat.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ErinJuly 19, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    Hi there. Just happened to click over to your blog and am wondering how you're doing.

    ReplyDelete

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