Mt. Emmy
Mt. Emmy blew her top yesterday. I had an explosion unlike any other that I can remember having. For the past few weeks, B has been making comments here and there about how expensive kids are, and how thy are a life-long expense, etc. He said something again yesterday, after I lightly complained that he was spending a lot of money to build something for himself.
I lost it. I screamed and yelled and stomped around the house, swearing. I told him how I felt totally unsupported by him. It was a really hard hour of sitting there saying nothing, talking, and thinking. I told him that I know that I can't change how he feels about having a baby, nor can I change my thinking. It was such a hard conversation, as part of me was really afraid of the resolution.
We are really no closer to anything, but I think that I understand B's concerns more, and I think he understands me better. It sounds like we'll be talking to his brother after the holidays about his thoughts on being our donor. B still is not okay with donor, but he is no longer against it. Because of the time it takes to get a known donor approved, we want to start the process. I also talked to B about getting the donor ready and still putting off the decision (freezing any embryos created with donor) to decide at a later time. He said that sometimes he feels fine about donor, and other times it really creeps him out. He has some major anxiety issues in general, and this isn't helping! His doctor thinks that if his anxiety was more under control, he'd be able to make a decision better and not let his fears get in the way. I don't know what to think.
It was a crazy weekend, but a good one.
I lost it. I screamed and yelled and stomped around the house, swearing. I told him how I felt totally unsupported by him. It was a really hard hour of sitting there saying nothing, talking, and thinking. I told him that I know that I can't change how he feels about having a baby, nor can I change my thinking. It was such a hard conversation, as part of me was really afraid of the resolution.
We are really no closer to anything, but I think that I understand B's concerns more, and I think he understands me better. It sounds like we'll be talking to his brother after the holidays about his thoughts on being our donor. B still is not okay with donor, but he is no longer against it. Because of the time it takes to get a known donor approved, we want to start the process. I also talked to B about getting the donor ready and still putting off the decision (freezing any embryos created with donor) to decide at a later time. He said that sometimes he feels fine about donor, and other times it really creeps him out. He has some major anxiety issues in general, and this isn't helping! His doctor thinks that if his anxiety was more under control, he'd be able to make a decision better and not let his fears get in the way. I don't know what to think.
It was a crazy weekend, but a good one.
Sometimes I think anger is part of the process. As long as things don't end with anger and you guys can work past it. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Missy, sometimes we just have to get it all out there. It's better to have feelings out in the open, than bottled up inside. Sounds like you got more progress than you're giving yourself credit for! Sending hugs your way...
ReplyDeleteMissy is right on the money. This is a hard process to be going through. Your DH and you have the right to be angry, frustrated, and upset. Letting it out is much better than keeping it in!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you!