odds
I'm not really a gambling girl. I like to go to Vegas, but I usually don't gamble more than $20. I did do a little bit of gambling over the weekend, and came out ahead. All that said, I'm fiscally conservative. I'm a saver, not a spender.
You see where this is going, don't you? I'm having a hard time with the money and our chances and everything. How will I reconcile all of this if it doesn't work? Will I feel guilty about spending that much money to try for something that I want?
I'm also worried that I've been discovered by someone I know IRL. I saw the city I work in come up in analytics yesterday. It is a city of about 25,000 so I know the chances are small, but it still makes me nervous. Do people you know IRL read you? Did you let them, or did they find you?
You see where this is going, don't you? I'm having a hard time with the money and our chances and everything. How will I reconcile all of this if it doesn't work? Will I feel guilty about spending that much money to try for something that I want?
I'm also worried that I've been discovered by someone I know IRL. I saw the city I work in come up in analytics yesterday. It is a city of about 25,000 so I know the chances are small, but it still makes me nervous. Do people you know IRL read you? Did you let them, or did they find you?
Well, you know about my story about the one person IRL who knew about my blog.
ReplyDeleteI look at my analytics all of the time, and sometimes I have become very scared because the person is in the area that I work in, or lived in previously, or right here in my town. But then I think that it is just be chance. You are so good about keeping your identity private. You never give any clues away. I am sure that they haven't discovered you.
Regarding the money thing...I think that you will want to do everything possible to make this work. I think that if you don't, you will always question yourself. It is a risk, but it is a risk that is worth it beyond measure. Recently, I saw a quote about how risky it is to try to conceive. There are so many bad things that can happen. But, our will to be a mother is so strong, and at the end, we will not have questioned it.
Has your BIL called you yet? I'm so looking forward to watching you go on this journey.
It is a gamble, pure and simple. It's not a shot in the dark though, like a roulette wheel. There's reason to think it could work out. I'd think the odds are more in your favor. It doesn't make it any easier though.
ReplyDeleteAnalytics? I don't know what that is. Perhaps I should...?
2 people IRL know my blog address. My cousin, who is also facing many IF issues and my dearest friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually pretty sure neither of them actually read it.
I haven't checked my G.Analytics for locations, going over there right now.
I have recently thought about going private only because now my journey involves a 3rd person... we will see.
I remember the last time I was at the RE I saw a brochure and heard the receptionist talking about some financing program for IVF- I think it was called shared risk or something. But basically I think the gist of it was it guaranteed a certain percentage of your money back if the IVF did not work after so many cycles. Have you looked into any options like this?
ReplyDeleteAbout the IRL thing....like the PP'er, I am clueless about analytics or what that has to do with someone finding my blog- maybe I should know about it too... Anyway I have only sent the link to my blog to a few IRL people. I'm not too worried about it myself but I decided not to put too much info related to work/family/church situations just in case. (Somehow I feel safer ranting about that on IV)
Has your BIL given you a response yet? I've been thinking about you and hope he calls/talks to you soon
I have people IRL read my blog, but that's because I just post about our garden and book reviews -- none of this stuff.
ReplyDeleteI'm not feeling guilty for playing the odds, but am trying to remind myself to be realistic with my own expectations based on them.
I have shared my blog with a few people IRL. There is also someone in my town who realized we work for the same large organization due to some things I said.
ReplyDeleteYou can think of it as gambling or you can think of it as at the very least buying peace of mind. If you don't take this risk, think of how much you will always wonder "what if?"
IRLs do read me. Some found me and some I told. I try to keep the mindset that this is MY space and if others read it, they do so at their own risk. I dont censor (nor do I plan on it) but sometimes it does bother me that people I may not know are reading may be.
ReplyDelete