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Since the news of BIL's ex being pregnant, I've gone through a mess of emotions.  It is so extra frustrating because so many people warned him that she is the type of person who would stop bcp to keep him, and he didn't believe any of us.  I've moved from wishing her ill-will to wishing/hoping/praying for the best possible situation for BIL, whatever way that might play out.  It makes me feel like less of a horrible person.  I don't think she knew that he's our donor backup, as BIL didn't want to tell her.  Whether or not she snooped and found something, or overheard something somehow, I don't know.  I only hope that BIL doesn't get stuck with someone he doesn't love for the sake of a child.  He and the baby deserve a better life than that. This whole thing has made me even more determined to get pregnant.  I know it isn't the best reason, but it's pushed my apprehension to the back burner, and determination to the front.  AF should come

Warning:  This is a rant that includes me being selfish, pissed, and a bad person.  Proceed at your own risk. I am FUMING right now. We're using BIL as our known donor backup, as you may remember. BIL has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with a girl he never fell in love with for 4 years. He's wanted her to dump him, and she's done everything she can to hang on to him. They were both renting rooms in the same house, when they found out that they had to move. He decided to move home to save money, and told her to do the same thing as she doesn't have a job and has mountains of debt (her mom lives 6 hours drive from his). She wanted to get an apartment together, but he said no, seeing it was an appropriate time to end things and move on. We've always worried that she would stop taking her BCP to get pregnant and rope him in, and that is exactly what happened. She has known for about two months that the relationship was over when they moved, and now she is 6

I ended up getting a meeting with my doctor to talk things out.  He really is a nice guy, and made me feel better about what's coming up.  He didn't even charge me for the 20 minutes or so he spent with me.  I also got my FSH retested- it's 8.  Pretty consistent to the 7.9 last July. Flow started yesterday.  I am going to start taking bcp today, for just under 3 weeks, have my withdraw bleed, then get going.  It's hard to believe that we are finally getting there.  It's so crazy.  I'm so nervous about the whole thing, and feeling really chicken about giving myself shots.  I'm such a pansy! That whole yesterday passed fairly easily.  The one thing that got to me most is remembering that in my perfect world, I would have announced my pregnancy to the fam. two years ago.  It's hard to think about all of the things that have happened since then and where we are now. Work is really busy right now, and stressful.  My layoff has been officially rescinded.  I