never easy

Warning:  This is a rant that includes me being selfish, pissed, and a bad person.  Proceed at your own risk.


I am FUMING right now. We're using BIL as our known donor backup, as you may remember. BIL has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with a girl he never fell in love with for 4 years. He's wanted her to dump him, and she's done everything she can to hang on to him. They were both renting rooms in the same house, when they found out that they had to move. He decided to move home to save money, and told her to do the same thing as she doesn't have a job and has mountains of debt (her mom lives 6 hours drive from his). She wanted to get an apartment together, but he said no, seeing it was an appropriate time to end things and move on. We've always worried that she would stop taking her BCP to get pregnant and rope him in, and that is exactly what happened. She has known for about two months that the relationship was over when they moved, and now she is 6 weeks pregnant. He had planned to cut all communication with her for at least 6 months to give them both time to get over the relationship and was insistent about it even two days ago. Now, she is 6 weeks pregnant and sends u/s photos.
It just makes me SO mad. He wants to be free from her, and she goes and does this. I'm even more pissed that dh and I can't get pregnant and she did to hold on to him. It just makes me cry. I really hope BIL doesn't use this to get back together with her, and moves on. I know he'll send her child support and see his kid, but I really hope their relationship doesn't go beyond that (she's always been a lying, manipulative witch, and this is just icing on the cake). He hooked up with my friend at my birthday party, for goodness sake- he's ready to move on. I feel like a horrible person for saying/thinking this, but I want her to have a m/c.  She is a liar and a manipulator and doesn't deserve this blessing to worm her way into his family.  She's lied to him so many times, and has been caught in it, but BIL didn't dump her then.  There are so many wonderful, good people in loving relationships where both people want a baby can't get pregnant, or suffer from loss.  She tricked her soon-to-be-ex into getting pregnant, and I'm sure she'll have a perfect, complication free pregnancy.  
Why is this all so unfair??

Comments

  1. JenniMay 25, 2010 at 2:33 PM

    Thanks for the warning - but I understand your feelings. I think I would be just as selfish and pissed if I were in your shoes. It's absolutely wrong for her to have done such a horrible thing. No one should bring children into this world for stupid petty reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mybumpyjourneyMay 25, 2010 at 2:53 PM

    First off, I am so sorry Emmy!!! That really sucks, and I think everything you are feeling is legit. I think that getting pregnant to hold onto someone is craaaaazy. Having a child is a strain on a STRONG relationship- it definitely isn't good for a child to come into one that is tense, and the father wanted to be free.
    I hope your BIL sees through this, and will support the child-but not her. Just b/c she is pregnant doesn't mean she gets a meal ticket and a free ride.

    {{HUGS}}

    ReplyDelete
  3. MissyMay 25, 2010 at 4:56 PM

    I would be upset also if I were you. This is so frustrating and always wrong to get pregnant just to hold on to someone. The poor baby. And so upsetting that it always seems women who don't deserve it have the easiest time getting pregnant.

    ReplyDelete
  4. OrodemniadesMay 25, 2010 at 6:21 PM

    I'd be more than upset, too. Then again, he clearly wasn't thinking with his big brain, was he?

    ReplyDelete
  5. EllaMay 25, 2010 at 6:28 PM

    I am so sorry, Emmy. That just sucks. I would feel angry and pissed off, too. I hope your BIL sees through this as the huge ploy that it is to keep him tied to her and still continues his plan to separate from her.

    Ugh! This is just not what you need right now... :( I'm sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. RachMay 25, 2010 at 7:28 PM

    Grrr, this stuff happens all the time and it's so UNFAIR! I feel bad your BIL is now trapped with this girl forever.

    ReplyDelete
  7. RuthMay 25, 2010 at 7:29 PM

    Ugh Emmy I am so sorry! What she did is just wrong and I would feel the exact same way. It makes me mad that people like that always seem to get pregnant so easily. I hope your BIL can see right through and doesn't fall into her trap.

    BTW, did you mean to post hyperlinks to IV? I noticed a couple words on here were linked to the messageboard so I didn't know if that was intentional.

    (((HUGS))) Emmy, and good luck with everything next month

    ReplyDelete
  8. someday-soonMay 26, 2010 at 7:12 AM

    I'm sorry hon {{{HUGS}}} It's just so cruel that so many people who shouldn't have kids have them so flippen easy....

    ReplyDelete
  9. NoelleMay 26, 2010 at 9:44 PM

    It is totally more than understandable for you to be feeling the way that you do. Just reading your post got my blood boiling.

    I have to say that it disgusts me when women get knocked up to keep a guy. My half-sister did that, and it angers me to this day. It angers me that so many women would be such good mothers and they can't have kids, and some women bring a child into a world purely for their own selfish needs.

    Did she know that you were planning on using his sperm? If so, this makes it even worse. I hope that your BIL will still keep his promise to you and realize how much you truly need this.

    I am so sorry, and it is perfectly okay for you to kick and scream and feel pissed. It's not fair.

    ReplyDelete
  10. JamesMay 29, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. justadrienneMay 29, 2010 at 1:30 PM

    I'm so sorry Emmy--what a sucky, hurtful situation. I hope your BIL will not get back together with her--it isn't fair to the kid (IMO) for him to get into a relationship that isn't working. Hopefully everything will work out as best it can. ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's you!

"It's you!  I just know it!  You've lost some weight, it must be because of the morning sickness!" No, it's not me.  I'm not pregnant. "But is HAS to be you.  Who else could it be?  You just don't want to tell because it is too early" No, really.  It's not me.  I promise.  I haven't cheated on my husband.   "Well, who else could it be?" Um, one of the other 20 teachers of child bearing age at this school.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've guessed the other two pregnant teachers, before I even knew there were pregnant teachers at my school.  I have 'pregodar' (like gaydar, but for preggos) and really can sense the preggos around me.  I hadn't pegged a 3rd teacher, but I heard a rumor that there is a third when I started being hounded, and I think I have it figured out.  Its the one on her 3rd engagement and 3rd marriage in 5 years.  She's reaching the top of her realistic baby time, so it makes sense. 
Read more

plugging along

Image
There really isn't much to say at this point.  I'm plugging along, doing fine. Yesterday, I bowed out of a BBQ with B's family.  In May I mentioned BIL's ex and her "surprise" (planned) pregnancy.  One of the reasons for this BBQ was for BIL's birthday, and she decided to drive down to attend (she's still living 5-6 hours away).  She's like 26 weeks pregnant, and the thought of having to spend the day with her made me feel ill.  BIL isn't planning on living with her and the baby or marrying her, but will go visit often.  She is such an attention whore, I couldn't deal with her talking about the baby and flaunting the fact that she is still around because of it.  I've felt a little bit of a cold coming on, so I exaggerated it and stayed home.  I did end up throwing up my dinner, so I'm glad I didn't go. I felt a little guilty about skipping out on this, but I got over it quickly.  MIL was hoping that B and I would announce our
Read more

off with the crazies

Well, as expected, I had a pretty crappy Christmas.  Christmas eve was actually the best part.  We always celebrate on Christmas eve with my mom's side of the family.  That was actually fine.  Christmas day, not so much.  First, at my dad's side of the family lunch, I've never felt like such an outsider.  Christmas at the IL's started out fine.  BIL's dumb girlfriend decided to group each person's gifts in a pile, and we opened gifts one person at a time.  This took forever, and was kind of annoying.  For this group, we set up a gift exchange with B's brothers, so that we didn't have to buy for everyone.  I did the arranging for this, and think I did a good job.  I gave everyone opportunity to give input and include anyone else who was not included (didn't know if BIL's girlfriend was coming), compiled the responses, and sent out the information.  After all of that, B's brother went and got something for everyone, which really set me off.  Be
Read more