love and hate

Some people love Halloween and some don't like it.  I used to love Halloween and now it's hard for me.  It's not because of IF and kids.  It's my brother.  

Today would have been his 27th birthday.  My mom was having contractions with him when she was taking me trick-or-treating.  He was born just a little after midnight on the 1st.  I can't think about Halloween and not think about him.  

My mom and I are the only ones of that family of four from 27 years ago.  It makes me so sad that half of my family from then is gone and my daughter will never know them.  I'll tell her about them, of course, but it isn't the same.  

Baby will be born right around the 2 year anniversary of my brothers death and the 15 year anniversary of my dad's death.  March has always been such a crappy month for me.  It makes me so nervous to hope for something good to come out of it.  

I am so busy today, I feel really badly that I won't have time to see my mom.  I know it is a really hard day for her.  I wish I could be there for her today.  Maybe I'll cancel my tutoring and have dinner with her.  I don't know.  Today sucks.  

Comments

  1. AshNovember 1, 2010 at 10:39 AM

    What a rough day for you and your mom. ((((Hugs))))

    ReplyDelete
  2. CortneyNovember 1, 2010 at 4:09 PM

    Thinking of you and your mom, Emmy! (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  3. justadrienneNovember 2, 2010 at 2:00 PM

    That stinks, Emmy. I hope you were able to see your Mom or at least talk to her or something. :-(

    ReplyDelete
  4. someday-soonNovember 3, 2010 at 8:11 AM

    Sorry this note of support is late but I hope the day went by ok {{{HUGS}}}

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's you!

"It's you!  I just know it!  You've lost some weight, it must be because of the morning sickness!" No, it's not me.  I'm not pregnant. "But is HAS to be you.  Who else could it be?  You just don't want to tell because it is too early" No, really.  It's not me.  I promise.  I haven't cheated on my husband.   "Well, who else could it be?" Um, one of the other 20 teachers of child bearing age at this school.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've guessed the other two pregnant teachers, before I even knew there were pregnant teachers at my school.  I have 'pregodar' (like gaydar, but for preggos) and really can sense the preggos around me.  I hadn't pegged a 3rd teacher, but I heard a rumor that there is a third when I started being hounded, and I think I have it figured out.  Its the one on her 3rd engagement and 3rd marriage in 5 years.  She's reaching the top of her realistic baby time, so it makes sense. 
Read more

plugging along

Image
There really isn't much to say at this point.  I'm plugging along, doing fine. Yesterday, I bowed out of a BBQ with B's family.  In May I mentioned BIL's ex and her "surprise" (planned) pregnancy.  One of the reasons for this BBQ was for BIL's birthday, and she decided to drive down to attend (she's still living 5-6 hours away).  She's like 26 weeks pregnant, and the thought of having to spend the day with her made me feel ill.  BIL isn't planning on living with her and the baby or marrying her, but will go visit often.  She is such an attention whore, I couldn't deal with her talking about the baby and flaunting the fact that she is still around because of it.  I've felt a little bit of a cold coming on, so I exaggerated it and stayed home.  I did end up throwing up my dinner, so I'm glad I didn't go. I felt a little guilty about skipping out on this, but I got over it quickly.  MIL was hoping that B and I would announce our
Read more

off with the crazies

Well, as expected, I had a pretty crappy Christmas.  Christmas eve was actually the best part.  We always celebrate on Christmas eve with my mom's side of the family.  That was actually fine.  Christmas day, not so much.  First, at my dad's side of the family lunch, I've never felt like such an outsider.  Christmas at the IL's started out fine.  BIL's dumb girlfriend decided to group each person's gifts in a pile, and we opened gifts one person at a time.  This took forever, and was kind of annoying.  For this group, we set up a gift exchange with B's brothers, so that we didn't have to buy for everyone.  I did the arranging for this, and think I did a good job.  I gave everyone opportunity to give input and include anyone else who was not included (didn't know if BIL's girlfriend was coming), compiled the responses, and sent out the information.  After all of that, B's brother went and got something for everyone, which really set me off.  Be
Read more