out of the bag
Well, I told a few people at work about what B and I are going through. I was given the perfect opportunity at my grade-level meeting last week. I'm glad I did. There are 6 other teachers who are on my grade-level team, and now 4 of them know. The other two were not at school that day, and tend to be blabber-mouths, so it worked out well. My team members were very supportive and asked a lot of questions. One of my teammates is about to have a FET for her third round of IVF. She was successful 1 out of her previous 2 cycles, so that was encouraging.
I feel weird in that two of the teacher's I work so closely with don't know, but I can't handle the verbal diarrhea of it. Both of them have wondered what is going on with me and have asked if I'm ok on multiple occasions. I do feel a bit of a relief-- a lot less like I am hiding something.
As expected, the whole conversation made me cry. I know one of the teachers I told won a battle with breast cancer last year, so I felt badly losing my composure over IF in front of her. I feel guilty that this affects me as much as it does. So many people have so many worse problems in their lives. Like someone said, it isn't like anyone is dying or close to it- just my dreams. Man, Catholic school sure did its number on me! I feel guilty for my feelings and am worried/afraid of being judged for them. Good job!
I also understand that problems are relative to the person and the situation. I have told people many times that their feelings are valid because their situation is what is most pressing to them. And now, I can't take my own advice! Oh well!
I feel a little strange having people know, but on the other hand, I don't have to worry about them asking me if I'm pregnant anymore, and there are 4 people who can tell others who ask that I am ok and not pregnant, so don't ask.
Who knows what you are going through IRL?
I feel weird in that two of the teacher's I work so closely with don't know, but I can't handle the verbal diarrhea of it. Both of them have wondered what is going on with me and have asked if I'm ok on multiple occasions. I do feel a bit of a relief-- a lot less like I am hiding something.
As expected, the whole conversation made me cry. I know one of the teachers I told won a battle with breast cancer last year, so I felt badly losing my composure over IF in front of her. I feel guilty that this affects me as much as it does. So many people have so many worse problems in their lives. Like someone said, it isn't like anyone is dying or close to it- just my dreams. Man, Catholic school sure did its number on me! I feel guilty for my feelings and am worried/afraid of being judged for them. Good job!
I also understand that problems are relative to the person and the situation. I have told people many times that their feelings are valid because their situation is what is most pressing to them. And now, I can't take my own advice! Oh well!
I feel a little strange having people know, but on the other hand, I don't have to worry about them asking me if I'm pregnant anymore, and there are 4 people who can tell others who ask that I am ok and not pregnant, so don't ask.
Who knows what you are going through IRL?
I'm glad you feel good getting it out. I can be a sense of relief not to have to pretend.
ReplyDeleteOur disclosure varies. My whole family knows about our IF failed IVFs, most of them know we're still trying, and some of them know about us using a donor. Some of the family that knows are blabbermouths, so I am sure everyone they know knows about it. My boss knows because I had to explain the 18 sick days I used for the IVF cycle and the first FET (not joking).
I know it's hard to take your own advice, so take mine: Your feelings are valid because they are your feelings. Don't deny yourself any of it, don't spare one tear, one moment of happiness. Hang in there!
Leslee
babyattheend
I'll chime in here, too, Emmy (but I'm exactly like you, I can dole it out, but can't take my own advice) - your feelings are 100% valid, and they are what they are: real, painful, and only yours to feel and understand. Feel them, own them, and know that you don't have to apologize or feel guilty for them. It's so hard - I struggle with that Catholic guilt, too - but, I believe, so important to our mental health.
ReplyDeleteOur family and close friends IRL know about our RPL/IF, and a few people in my department at school (well, the entire department knows about my 1st m/c because my adviser blabbed it to everyone). I am generally pretty open about my story with someone if I feel that they will be supportive, but there are quite a few of our peripheral friends who don't know (or at least I don't think they know... but word has a way of getting around in my experience).
Emmy, your feelings are very real and legitimate. It's not fair to rate/compare people's troubles as these are all real struggles.
ReplyDeleteWe just found out the beginnings of our IF causes yesterday (low motility and morphology), so haven't told anyone IRL. But once DH gets more info from his next urology appt, then we will tell people just to avoid getting the "when are you having kids" questions.
I was relieved when people knew what we were going through... then the comments stopped... well, the baby comments anyway, and then the unwanted advice began, but still, it helped that I wasn't living with this dark secret and when I was sad and upset, people knew why without having to ask... {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteSure, there is always something "worse" in someone else's life, but this is YOUR life and this is what is affecting YOU... That's all that matters... and I'm here to help you through it in any way I can... shoot me an e-mail if you need to talk hun.