can't comprehend

This might be the worst post ever. I can't really think or understand anything, let alone write or type coherently.

Yesterday, towards the end of my work day, I got a call on my classroom phone. I answer it, and it is my mom is on the other end, hysterical. After asking her to repeat it, I heard her to say that she thinks my brother is dead. The paramedics were working on him, but she thought he was gone. I instantly said that I'd be right there. I called the office and told them I had to leave right away. They sent someone up to cover my class for the last 30 minutes.

I ran to my car and dashed out of the parking lot as fast as I could. I drove as fast as the other cars on the road would allow. I called B as soon as I got to a main road. He left work to go there too. I got there first, ran into the house, and saw my mom and step dad sitting on the couch in the living room and two paramedics standing there.

He was gone. He had been gone for a while. We don't know exactly what happened, but suspect an accidental overdose of some sort. 25 years old. I can't stop crying. I'm off to the mortuary today to work on funeral arrangements. We're hoping to have him buried with my dad. This is just so awful.

After the funeral planning, I'll probably go back to my mom's house for a little while. Then, B and I have his follow up appointment for the ultra sound and repeat s/a. B said that after yesterday, the Dr. appointment will be like being shot with a bb gun after being hit by a cannon. B also made the comment that our future child just lost a really cool uncle.

Comments

  1. LesleeMarch 17, 2009 at 10:00 AM

    Emmy, this is just terrible. I'm so so sorry about your loss. I'm holding you and your family in my heart.

    Leslee
    babyattheend

    ReplyDelete
  2. itsazooaroundhereMarch 17, 2009 at 10:15 AM

    Oh, Emmy, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through right now. I'm here in tears and don't really know what to say.

    I will keep you all in my thoughts. I'm sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  3. benedicteggsMarch 17, 2009 at 10:31 AM

    Over here from the virtual lushary. Keeping you in my thoughts. -Tally

    ReplyDelete
  4. OpheliaMarch 17, 2009 at 11:12 AM

    Oh Sweetheart I am so very very sorry for your loss. {{{HUGS}}}

    I am here for you if you need anything at all.

    opheliasrevival@gmail.com

    Please e-mail me if you need anything. I can send you my cell phone number if you need someone to talk to day or night. I'm here for you hun. I have AIM too. I can give you that privately. I want you to know that you have people who care about you and are here to lend you the support you need to get you through this very difficult time.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong hun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. EllaMarch 17, 2009 at 11:20 AM

    Emmy, how incredibly awful. I am so sorry for your loss... I will be keeping you in my heart and thinking of you and your family. Please know that I am here for you whenever you need to talk, vent, cry... whatever I can do...

    I am so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. DoraMarch 17, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    Oh, no! Emmy, I'm so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  7. loribethMarch 17, 2009 at 11:57 AM

    Also here from the Virtual Lushary. I am so sorry!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. DelennMarch 17, 2009 at 12:13 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  9. A Mom in Jacksonville, FLMarch 17, 2009 at 12:40 PM

    Emmy, I am SO sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Another DreamerMarch 17, 2009 at 12:48 PM

    Oh hun. I am so very sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine.
    So very sorry.
    I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  11. KimMarch 17, 2009 at 12:57 PM

    Oh, sweetie. I am here from the Virtual Lushary. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers today.

    ReplyDelete
  12. StraublesMarch 17, 2009 at 1:02 PM

    I'm so sorry about your brother. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  13. To A TMarch 17, 2009 at 1:05 PM

    Emmy I am so, so sorry :( I can't even imagine what you and your family must be going through right now, but please know you are in my prayers!

    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

    ReplyDelete
  14. margelinaMarch 17, 2009 at 1:28 PM

    Hey there,
    I'm here from Ophelia's blog...just wanted to give you some bloggy support. I am so very sorry and will be thinking/praying for you and your family in this difficult time. Wishing you much comfort and peace,
    Margelina

    ReplyDelete
  15. Somewhat OrdinaryMarch 17, 2009 at 1:35 PM

    I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. This hits close to home for me and I'm thinking of you and your family. If you need to talk about anything that you don't want to broadcast on your blog, you can e-mail me at somewhatordinary at gmail dot com.

    You are in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AmberDenaeMarch 17, 2009 at 1:46 PM

    I, too amd from "Opehlia's Revival". I am so terribly sorry. I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. I nearly lost my sister a few months ago to the same thing and the mere thought nearly made me feel the worst feeling in the entire world. I am so so so sorry. Words can do no justice nor can they express your heartache. Just know that people are praying for you and that you don't have to bear this alone. I am praying for you through this difficult and dismal time. ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
  17. ChristinaMarch 17, 2009 at 2:09 PM

    I'm over here from Opehlia's Revival and I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  18. GraceMarch 17, 2009 at 2:13 PM

    Oh Emmy, I'm sooo sorry. How terrible. My prayers and positive thoughts are with you and you family during this time.

    ReplyDelete
  19. SilyaMarch 17, 2009 at 2:14 PM

    I am so, so sorry. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Suzie (from WTT)March 17, 2009 at 3:58 PM

    Oh, Emmy! I am just so sorry. I will be praying for you and your family. Lots of hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  21. 'Murgdan'March 17, 2009 at 4:39 PM

    Oh I'm so so sorry. There are no words.

    ReplyDelete
  22. annacyclopediaMarch 17, 2009 at 4:41 PM

    I just came over from the Lushary. I've never been to your blog before, but I'm so very sorry for your loss and will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Munch's DaddyMarch 17, 2009 at 5:36 PM

    I pray words from strangers bring you comfort. My heart breaks for your loss. ::hugs::

    ReplyDelete
  24. Lollipop GoldsteinMarch 17, 2009 at 5:51 PM

    Emmy--I am so incredibly sorry. What horrible news. My heart goes out to your whole family.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ruby from WTTMarch 17, 2009 at 6:04 PM

    I'm so sorry Emmy!! What a shock for you and your family! Take care of yourselves and many strength vibes for you and your family during this very difficult time

    ReplyDelete
  26. Beautiful MessMarch 17, 2009 at 6:26 PM

    Hi Emmy, I'm here from The Virtual Lushary. I am so so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. If you ever want to email for a vent, please don't hesitate to do so. I did that many times when my mom passed. It may not mean much, but I'm sending you a hug for peace and praying for you,a s well.

    ReplyDelete
  27. RikkiMarch 17, 2009 at 6:36 PM

    Emmy, I am so sorry for your loss. I know it doesnt help the pain. I am praying for you and your whole family.
    p.s. I found your blog through Candi's post.

    ReplyDelete
  28. MissyMarch 17, 2009 at 8:09 PM

    Emmy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm here if you want to talk, vent, cry, etc. I will keep your family in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  29. CocoMarch 17, 2009 at 9:02 PM

    Emmy, I'm also over here from Ophelia's Revival. I just wanted to say that I just said a prayer for you and your family. Know that there are those out there thinking about you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. PennyMarch 18, 2009 at 2:16 AM

    I can't even comprehend what you are feeling right now.I hope you will find strength from somewhere to get through this.

    ReplyDelete
  31. LorzaMarch 18, 2009 at 7:17 AM

    Emmy- I am so sorry for your families loss. I can't imagine- and I wish you didn't have to go through this. I will be thinking about you lots. If I lived close to you I would bring you some food. (I am southern)
    {{{{HUGS}}}}}

    ReplyDelete
  32. serenityMarch 18, 2009 at 7:42 AM

    Here from the Lushary. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  33. Lynn PageMarch 18, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    I am so terribly sorry for you're loss. I know there are no words to take away the pain, but know that there are some many people here for you!! (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  34. KatieMarch 18, 2009 at 9:01 AM

    Over here from LFCA to let you know how sorry I am and that you will be in my thoughts

    ReplyDelete
  35. JuliaSMarch 18, 2009 at 9:15 AM

    I am so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  36. PepperMarch 18, 2009 at 9:25 AM

    Oh my goodness, I can only imagine what you and your family are going through right now and I am so very sorry. Wishing you peace.

    ReplyDelete
  37. littlebitofsomethingMarch 18, 2009 at 9:36 AM

    here from L&F and just so sorry. i cannot imagine the pain your family is in right now. my thoughts are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  38. JenMarch 18, 2009 at 9:42 AM

    I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  39. T-partyMarch 18, 2009 at 10:06 AM

    Emmy, I am so very sorry. I can't imagine the deep loss you are feeling. Know that you and your family are in my prayers.
    -Tyra (wannahearmommy from TTCYFC)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Stephanie Jean-LouisMarch 18, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    I am so, so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  41. MissyMarch 18, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    I'm here from LFCA and wanted to express my condolences. My family experienced something very similar to this a few years ago, and it's a very painful thing to go through. You and your family will be in the thoughts and prayers of my family.

    ReplyDelete
  42. NMarch 18, 2009 at 11:43 AM

    Here from LFCA. I'm so sorry for your loss. Nobody should have to go through this.

    I suddenly lost my brother a few years ago, at 21, and I know I'm a complete stranger, but if you need to vent, my e-mail is twohotmamas at gmail.

    ReplyDelete
  43. elizabethMarch 18, 2009 at 12:32 PM

    I'm so sorry about this earth-shattering tragedy that has hit your family. We lost my BIL on this same day 4 years ago. Here from the virtual lushary - will be holding you in my thoughts through this dark time.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Mo and WillMarch 18, 2009 at 1:54 PM

    emmy

    here from lfca. i am so very sorry for your loss. what a shock this must be.

    Mo

    ReplyDelete
  45. astralMarch 18, 2009 at 2:21 PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. {{{hugs}}}

    ReplyDelete
  46. Aunt BeckyMarch 18, 2009 at 2:30 PM

    Here from LFCA. I'm so, so, so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  47. noswimmersMarch 18, 2009 at 2:34 PM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. BIG HUGS to you.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Queenie. . .March 18, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your brother.

    ReplyDelete
  49. MicMarch 18, 2009 at 3:23 PM

    Emmy, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I'm here from TTCYFC and just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and praying for you and your family.
    (michelle_in_va)

    ReplyDelete
  50. LeilaMarch 18, 2009 at 3:43 PM

    Emmy - My heart breaking for you. Lots of P&PT for you and your family. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. (((HUGS)))). Leila

    ReplyDelete
  51. mlg- believe-n-miraclesMarch 18, 2009 at 4:06 PM

    Emmy, I am so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  52. AngiMarch 18, 2009 at 4:27 PM

    My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine what you are dealing with right now. Life is just not fair sometimes...

    ReplyDelete
  53. VeeMarch 18, 2009 at 5:23 PM

    Here from LFCA.
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  54. HillaryMarch 18, 2009 at 5:27 PM

    What a huge loss... I am so very sorry. There are no words. :(

    ReplyDelete
  55. StacieMarch 18, 2009 at 6:05 PM

    I am here via Candi's blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  56. MarthaMarch 18, 2009 at 6:43 PM

    Here from Lost and Found, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your brother.

    ReplyDelete
  57. PhotogrlMarch 18, 2009 at 7:29 PM

    I'm so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  58. WiseGuyMarch 18, 2009 at 10:11 PM

    Dear Emmy, I have no words to console you. He was too young to have been snatched away like this. Please accept my condolences to you and your family and I hope that God gives the strength to bear the tragedy.

    ReplyDelete
  59. A n TMarch 19, 2009 at 5:54 AM

    Here from LFCA: Oh my, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  60. LiddyMarch 19, 2009 at 5:41 PM

    Emmy, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  61. morganrebeccaMarch 20, 2009 at 11:33 AM

    Emmy, I will be sending prayers and many positive thoughts to you and your family to hopefully make this time at least a little less painful. Many hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  62. AshMarch 21, 2009 at 12:50 AM

    I am SO sorry to read this Emmy! Your whole family is in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Fashionably InfertileMarch 22, 2009 at 10:08 AM

    I am incredibly sorry about your loss. I can't even imagine to understand what you are going through. I am praying for you and your family during these difficult times.

    ReplyDelete
  64. justadrienneMarch 26, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    Emmy, I am so so sorry. I don't even know what to say, other than I will be thinking of you. I can't imagine going through this. I am just so sorry.

    ReplyDelete

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