randomness

Thanks for all of your kind words on my garden. My 'babies' and I appreciate it!! I do finally have a tomato that is starting to ripen!! It is amazing how different it looks from the picture I posted 3 days ago. Yes, I plan to make lots of fresh salsa and bruschetta once things start to ripen. I have jalapenos and some other hot peppers growing too. I also have an avocado tree, basil, and cilantro growing! I need a lime tree! The cucumbers TOTALLY look like little penises. I can't wait until they get bigger!! How do you know when cucumbers are done? Pick them before they go soft and floppy? Thoughts?

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The father's day party was bad. I made it a little more than an hour without breaking down and crying. Actually, probably closer to two hours before the flood gates opened. At first, I thought I'd be able to hide it, and I had B help me compose myself, but not so much. Everyone ate outside, but I stayed inside by myself. My 9 year old nephew came in and asked my SIL why I was crying, as I was sitting right there. Oh, and my SIL, who I am not terribly fond of, was trying to make me feel better by comparing her troubles to mine. She moved from the east coast of the US to the west and she was telling me that is like the same thing as me being sad because I lost my father and brother. She doesn't get to see her family anymore either. Woah is her. It just made me pissed off. I ended up getting REALLY drunk and puking in the car on the way home. Thank goodness for those reusable grocery bags (not a cloth/canvas one, a plastic one)!! I've been drinking too much recently. It's time to calm that down.... I say as I sit here hungover...haha!

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Still trying to figure out if I want to go forward with IFV/which was we want to go with B, putting the money issue aside. As much as I want to be a mom, I don't know that I can handle all of the heartache that can go with all of this. I'm pretty effed up mentally still. (speaking of which, I have a psychiatrist story and am in need of some advice... for another day) I'm not suicidal, but I don't particularly want to live. I could care less if the world ended. I don't want my husband or my mom to hurt and again, I'm not going to off myself, but I just don't feel like I have anything to live for. I child would certainly give me something to live for, but any failure would be really really bad.

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We (collectively AND B and me) really need H.R. 697 to make it through committee and be passed. If your house representative is on the the Committee on Energy and Commerce, the Committees on Education and Labor, or the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, please contact them and ask them to keep pushing the bill forward. It would require insurance companies to cover infertility. I read somewhere that the cost per person would be something like $3/month. I mean, B and I have only put out about $1,000 towards IF diagnostics and such, and to think that $72 would pay for IF insurance for a year, makes me want to put my head through a wall. I understand that when money is tight, $3/month per person can be a lot. I'd pay double that, happily, for the rest of my life so that people facing IF don't have to raise $30K to go from azoospermia to baby. I'm willing (and voted to) take a 2% pay cut to bring back 8 pink-slipped teachers. So, find your representative, see if they are on any of the above committees, and please ask them to move 697 through committee to a vote.

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Ok, I think that is it for now. Thanks for reading. Thanks even more to those of you who comment! I appreciate it! And to you lurkers, feel free to comment, even anonymously.... I won't bite! Now that it is summer, hopefully my commenting on your blogs will increase too!