It's been a while
I've been withdrawn. Not just from here, but from real life too. Fac.ebook has been deactivated, aim no longer automatically starting, RL blog closed, etc. I know that it might be bad or not good for me to do this, but I just feel so overwhelmed and exhausted. It seemed like the easiest things to drop.
I went back to work since my last post. I am not teaching a grade I want to be in this year. I am not happy about it and I don't like it. I'm doing fine, and being a good teacher, but I don't like it. Somewhere around 175 more days of school. No one announced a pregnancy, so the only pregnant lady right now is M, who I am happy and excited for.
I was supposed to be social this weekend, but we took the weekend off and called in sick. I am a little sick, so it is not too much of a stretch. It would have been an exhausting two days that would have made me feel sicker when it was all over. Now I'll be rested.
It looks like we'll be moving forward with IVF in the spring. I think we can save up enough by then, and it will be good timing with work. B agreed to have one procedure, so that is how we'll go. He is still not down for donor backup, but I think that may be faltering a little. I just hope that when the time comes, they'll find some sperm. I keep having these visions of us with twins. It just happened actually. We're still looking for counseling for the two of us, and I think we found the perfect place. Unfortunately, they were already closed for the weekend when we called, so we'll have to try on Tuesday.
I'm trying to be around and comment when I can. I am still reading everything. I'll try to be better.
I went back to work since my last post. I am not teaching a grade I want to be in this year. I am not happy about it and I don't like it. I'm doing fine, and being a good teacher, but I don't like it. Somewhere around 175 more days of school. No one announced a pregnancy, so the only pregnant lady right now is M, who I am happy and excited for.
I was supposed to be social this weekend, but we took the weekend off and called in sick. I am a little sick, so it is not too much of a stretch. It would have been an exhausting two days that would have made me feel sicker when it was all over. Now I'll be rested.
It looks like we'll be moving forward with IVF in the spring. I think we can save up enough by then, and it will be good timing with work. B agreed to have one procedure, so that is how we'll go. He is still not down for donor backup, but I think that may be faltering a little. I just hope that when the time comes, they'll find some sperm. I keep having these visions of us with twins. It just happened actually. We're still looking for counseling for the two of us, and I think we found the perfect place. Unfortunately, they were already closed for the weekend when we called, so we'll have to try on Tuesday.
I'm trying to be around and comment when I can. I am still reading everything. I'll try to be better.
Glad to hear from you - got worried when you weren't on FB anymore. I understand the need to withdraw sometimes, it's normal and can be healing. Sending you many (((HUGS))) today, Emmy.
ReplyDeleteTake the time you need. I would go through cycles when I just wanted to read, and not want to post or comment. That is fine, and normal.
ReplyDeleteSorry you are stuck doing something you are not happy doing. I know it is very frustrating!
I think it is just fine to withdraw for a while. It is perfectly healthy. That is good that you will start IVF in the spring...It will be something for you to look forward to! I hear you on being grateful that no one at your work has announced a pregnancy. Someone announced one at mine. It was at a staff meeting and I was not wanting to hear it...so I didn't go :( I wrote about it in my blog. Anyway, I hope that you can continue your healing process.
ReplyDeleteYou just do what you need to do...if that means laying low, do it. This shit is stressful.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking about you.
xoxo
Good to hear you two are planning on going to counseling together. Have you thought about going individually as well? From everything that's happened in your family, it seems that could be useful.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of {{HUGS}}
First of all Emmy, you need to pay attention to your emotional well-being.
ReplyDeleteWithdraw as much as you want to. Feel no pressure. Your first responsibility is yourself.
Am wishing you a lot of good luck for the Spring IVF cycles.
I hope you get to teach a class of your choice next time.
Be good.
I agree with the others - withdraw and rest when you need to. It is great that you've found a potential therapist...having someone to talk to is SO wonderful. I'm thinking of you and I hope this year at work isn't too terrible.
ReplyDeletexoxo