pants
I hate pants. It's not the pants themselves, but the way they fit and look on me. I've always hated pants. I've always been chubby. Yes, there may be a total of 10-12 months or so in my life when I have not been chubby, but those times are few and far between. Usually, when something big is going on in my life. Probably like now.
I can't find pants in my wardrobe that fit me. I know, the logical person might think that I need to go and buy some in a size that fits. The problem, however, is that I have a full wardrobe of pants in 3 sizes and several pair in the lowest size. I'm working my way down to the middle/lower size, apparently. The big size is too big and I look ridiculous in them. The pants in the middle size all seem to be too small or too big. There is nothing in the 'just right' range. I even have pants from several different stores in these sizes, yet I can't find anything that works.
I'm thrilled to be too small for a handful of my clothes, don't get me wrong. I love that I stepped on the scale after work today, fully dressed, to see the lowest number I have seen in 2 years. I am only a few pounds away from changing the 10's digit again. I've lost a solid 15 pounds since my heaviest, but I don't see it in myself. I am still overweight, and feel almost lumpier now that the fat is starting to burn away.
I'd love to lose another 15-20. Part of my problem is that as soon as I start seeing results, it all goes away somehow. Instead of feeling like my hard work is paying off so I should continue it, I feel like I can break my rules a little, which inevitably starts me on a downward spiral.
I want to be a cute pregnant person. I don't want to just look fat the whole time, which is what will happen if I am this weight when/if I get pg. I really wanna be pregnant.
I can't find pants in my wardrobe that fit me. I know, the logical person might think that I need to go and buy some in a size that fits. The problem, however, is that I have a full wardrobe of pants in 3 sizes and several pair in the lowest size. I'm working my way down to the middle/lower size, apparently. The big size is too big and I look ridiculous in them. The pants in the middle size all seem to be too small or too big. There is nothing in the 'just right' range. I even have pants from several different stores in these sizes, yet I can't find anything that works.
I'm thrilled to be too small for a handful of my clothes, don't get me wrong. I love that I stepped on the scale after work today, fully dressed, to see the lowest number I have seen in 2 years. I am only a few pounds away from changing the 10's digit again. I've lost a solid 15 pounds since my heaviest, but I don't see it in myself. I am still overweight, and feel almost lumpier now that the fat is starting to burn away.
I'd love to lose another 15-20. Part of my problem is that as soon as I start seeing results, it all goes away somehow. Instead of feeling like my hard work is paying off so I should continue it, I feel like I can break my rules a little, which inevitably starts me on a downward spiral.
I want to be a cute pregnant person. I don't want to just look fat the whole time, which is what will happen if I am this weight when/if I get pg. I really wanna be pregnant.
I totally hear you... you think, "Oh wow I've lost a bit, now I can start eating chocolate again", and all the pounds come crawling back!
ReplyDeleteI'm also desperately trying to lose weight at the moment, but it just doesn't happen (need to exercise more I guess). But congrats on losing 15 lbs, that is a LOT, I know how hard it is!!!
oh I am right there with you...except I used to be slimmer and clothes fit well. I must say at the time I didn't think so, but now I realize that they did. Sigh. 15 pounds is great! That is so hard to do. Keep up the good work girlie!
ReplyDeleteThat's great that you are losing weight. I think buying a few new clothes that fit right is a good motivation to keep going. When I look good, I feel good too. And that makes me want to keep feeling/looking good.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on losing weight! It is so hard! I think that you should go and get yourself some nice looking pants that fit you well. That will make you feel good, and you deserve to feel good right now. I also think that you ought to congratulate yourself for losing that weight. You said that you lose when you are sad...I wish I was that way! I gain when I am sad, and I am sad quite often, which is why I am always in a weight battle. I think that now is the perfect time for you to continue in your weight loss. The goal is in sight!
ReplyDeleteI wish I didn't relate to your weight comments so well! I look terrible in pants but love wearing them. I also love to buy clothes when I'm skinny (skinny for me, not Gossip Girl skinny) so I have nothing to wear when I'm fat.
ReplyDeleteThe worst though is that whenever I'm at my skinniest, it's because I'm not in a happy place so I'm not eating normally and that's when everyone and their mother feels the need to tell me to "keep doing what I'm doing".
Anyway, I really hope you get pregnant soon. I was definitely happy not having to worry about my stomach rolls while I was pregnant. I didn't realize how huge my thighs would get, but that's another story!
Congrats on the weight loss so far!