off with the crazies
Well, as expected, I had a pretty crappy Christmas. Christmas eve was actually the best part. We always celebrate on Christmas eve with my mom's side of the family. That was actually fine. Christmas day, not so much. First, at my dad's side of the family lunch, I've never felt like such an outsider. Christmas at the IL's started out fine. BIL's dumb girlfriend decided to group each person's gifts in a pile, and we opened gifts one person at a time. This took forever, and was kind of annoying.
For this group, we set up a gift exchange with B's brothers, so that we didn't have to buy for everyone. I did the arranging for this, and think I did a good job. I gave everyone opportunity to give input and include anyone else who was not included (didn't know if BIL's girlfriend was coming), compiled the responses, and sent out the information. After all of that, B's brother went and got something for everyone, which really set me off. Because of the way we were opening presents, it was really obvious that they got things for everyone and we didn't. I turned to B and said in a 12-18 inch voice, what was the point of the gift exchange if they are just going to get everyone something and make us look like jerks? My MIL turns to me and says, "shhh, A is opening her presents now." That really bothered me, because no one gave a crap when it was my turn.
We moved farther back from the present opener and I sat quietly. Next person's turn, and of course it happened again. I said something similar to B even quieter, MIL was the only other one who heard it. She turned to me, shhhed me again, and told me I was ruining Christmas. At that point, I got up and walked outside. B followed, and I just cried outside. I tried to send him back in, but he wouldn't go. A nephew came out to check on us, followed by the main offending BIL. Last, FIL came out and asked us to come in because present opening had stopped. We told him to go back in and open presents. I told B that I wouldn't ruin his Christmas, so I sent him back in, got my purse and water bottle, and I sat in the car listening to music while he watched them finish opening presents.
I am one of the crazies. I've become one of those psycho family members you talk about at events. I don't want to be like this, and I am not, most of the time, but some of these people bring out the worst in me. If I'm not pregnant next year during the holidays, I am getting out of town. I can't do this again.
For this group, we set up a gift exchange with B's brothers, so that we didn't have to buy for everyone. I did the arranging for this, and think I did a good job. I gave everyone opportunity to give input and include anyone else who was not included (didn't know if BIL's girlfriend was coming), compiled the responses, and sent out the information. After all of that, B's brother went and got something for everyone, which really set me off. Because of the way we were opening presents, it was really obvious that they got things for everyone and we didn't. I turned to B and said in a 12-18 inch voice, what was the point of the gift exchange if they are just going to get everyone something and make us look like jerks? My MIL turns to me and says, "shhh, A is opening her presents now." That really bothered me, because no one gave a crap when it was my turn.
We moved farther back from the present opener and I sat quietly. Next person's turn, and of course it happened again. I said something similar to B even quieter, MIL was the only other one who heard it. She turned to me, shhhed me again, and told me I was ruining Christmas. At that point, I got up and walked outside. B followed, and I just cried outside. I tried to send him back in, but he wouldn't go. A nephew came out to check on us, followed by the main offending BIL. Last, FIL came out and asked us to come in because present opening had stopped. We told him to go back in and open presents. I told B that I wouldn't ruin his Christmas, so I sent him back in, got my purse and water bottle, and I sat in the car listening to music while he watched them finish opening presents.
I am one of the crazies. I've become one of those psycho family members you talk about at events. I don't want to be like this, and I am not, most of the time, but some of these people bring out the worst in me. If I'm not pregnant next year during the holidays, I am getting out of town. I can't do this again.
I understand your anger. When BIL got everyone a gift, he was going against the agreement. He should have realized how stupid and mad it would make you feel.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you mean about being one of the crazies. My husband's dad's side of the family is very kind. But whenever I spend time with them, I end up acting like a fool. I end up getting annoyed at them for lame things and then I get mad and leave. One vacation with them I spend the entire 3 days locked in my cabin room. I could hear them whispering about me downstairs the whole time.
I understand why you got mad. I would be mad too. I think most people would be. I think that you have so much stress and heartache going on right now and it must be so hard that his family doesn't know about it. They don't know, do they? Your husband may not be able to biologically have children, and his family doesn't know, and you have to spend Christmas with them pretending to be happy like nothing is wrong.
I completely get why you did this and why you were so mad. Don't feel badly, please. You are going through a lot, and you need to be easy on yourself. You are expected to have emotions like that. You are not superwomen.
I wish that his family could know why you were feeling that way and what you are going through. It doesn't matter though. They are family and they should love you, regardless. And I think it was very rude for your MIL to say that you were ruining Christmas. It sounds like her saying that twice is what set you over the edge. You were NOT ruining Christmas by saying that. She was being ridiculous.
I am sorry that it was so crappy for you.
I'm so sorry your Christmas was not so fun. I understand about becoming one of "the crazies"- I think it can happen to any of us if the wrong person sets us off. But I definitely think it was wrong what your BIL did and ridiculous of your MIL to say you were "ruining Christmas" by whispering. Christmas shouldn't have to be all quiet and formal anyway IMO. I hope B will try to talk to his family about what they did. And I hope the rest of your break is much better.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry your Christmas day sucked, Emmy. Judging from that story (and other stories you've shared about them), you aren't one of the crazies, you are the NORMAL ONE! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had a bad Christmas. I would have felt mad too if I did all that work and someone went and bought presents for everyone anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd the thing about opening presents individually is a recurrent debate in my family. Half of us want to see what everyone else is getting, the other half just want it to be done with. We argue over it every year.
That sounds horrible. I am so sorry. You are totally justified about feeling how you do. And I agree, you are not one of the crazies...just a normal, warm-blooded woman.
ReplyDelete