bringing crazy back
I haven't seen the IL's or anyone other than potential donor BIL (who we still haven't heard from) since Christmas. That will all change on Saturday. We are going to B's parents house for dinner, and it will be the exact same cast of characters in the exact same place as Christmas.
I'm really worried about how this is all going to play out. I really don't want to go crazy there. I know what I need to do so that doesn't happen, but the problem with that is the execution. I never want to lose it, but it inevitably happens. I drink too much when I am with them (although this was not the problem at Christmas).
SIL drives me nuts. She's a two-faced trash talker. She will go from person to person around the house talking trash about someone. She talks trash to me about BIL's girlfriend and our MIL, she talks trash to BIL's gf about me and MIL, and she talks trash to MIL about anyone she can think of.
BIL's gf is someone I can't stand. I didn't like her before she started dating BIL, and I like her even less now. She lies to people about the seriousness of their relationship on a regular basis, among other things. I can't stand people that blatantly lie like that, get caught in it, yet continue to lie. She also invites herself EVERYWHERE when she hears of an event. To give you an idea of this, I was throwing a bachelorette party for a friend of mine who was marrying a good friend of B and BIL's. She was not invited to the bachelorette party, but was invited to the shower. She asked bride to come to the bachelorette party, and bride said no. She asked bride again a few weeks later, and bride said no. She then sent me an email, saying that I must have left her off the evite because I don't have her email address. I responded that I do have her email address, but only invited who bride wanted and that she was not invited, but we'd see her at the shower (which I was also throwing). I told her that I was following brides wishes, not hers. She then went back to bride and asked again. Poor bride had to say, "My bachelorette party is only for my closest friends. There are many people I would invite before you. Please stop asking."
To get to the point, these people drive me to drink. I cannot take them sober. MIL and FIL are big drinkers too, so that doesn't help. My wine glass is always full when I am there. I need to find a balance, but it is so hard. I really don't want to give them more ammunition to trash me. I want to go back to my spot of the favored significant other of their kids. I love B's immediate family-- it's the wife and gf that make me nuts.
How do you deal with your IL's? Any tips for me to not go crazy? I really want to do well this weekend. It's been a crappy week so far, so I am a bit worried already. Hopefully my worry will help this not happen again. Suggestions?
I'm really worried about how this is all going to play out. I really don't want to go crazy there. I know what I need to do so that doesn't happen, but the problem with that is the execution. I never want to lose it, but it inevitably happens. I drink too much when I am with them (although this was not the problem at Christmas).
SIL drives me nuts. She's a two-faced trash talker. She will go from person to person around the house talking trash about someone. She talks trash to me about BIL's girlfriend and our MIL, she talks trash to BIL's gf about me and MIL, and she talks trash to MIL about anyone she can think of.
BIL's gf is someone I can't stand. I didn't like her before she started dating BIL, and I like her even less now. She lies to people about the seriousness of their relationship on a regular basis, among other things. I can't stand people that blatantly lie like that, get caught in it, yet continue to lie. She also invites herself EVERYWHERE when she hears of an event. To give you an idea of this, I was throwing a bachelorette party for a friend of mine who was marrying a good friend of B and BIL's. She was not invited to the bachelorette party, but was invited to the shower. She asked bride to come to the bachelorette party, and bride said no. She asked bride again a few weeks later, and bride said no. She then sent me an email, saying that I must have left her off the evite because I don't have her email address. I responded that I do have her email address, but only invited who bride wanted and that she was not invited, but we'd see her at the shower (which I was also throwing). I told her that I was following brides wishes, not hers. She then went back to bride and asked again. Poor bride had to say, "My bachelorette party is only for my closest friends. There are many people I would invite before you. Please stop asking."
To get to the point, these people drive me to drink. I cannot take them sober. MIL and FIL are big drinkers too, so that doesn't help. My wine glass is always full when I am there. I need to find a balance, but it is so hard. I really don't want to give them more ammunition to trash me. I want to go back to my spot of the favored significant other of their kids. I love B's immediate family-- it's the wife and gf that make me nuts.
How do you deal with your IL's? Any tips for me to not go crazy? I really want to do well this weekend. It's been a crappy week so far, so I am a bit worried already. Hopefully my worry will help this not happen again. Suggestions?
Ugh, I'm sorry Emmy. I could use some of the same advice... don't have any pearls of wisdom to offer, but just wanted to say I understand!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, sweetie. I actually get along with inlaws really well. No advice here...
ReplyDeleteGuh! Sounds like such a challenge. Any chance you can take something with you that can give you some "away" time, even if you're in the same room? laptop, book, journal? (I usually try to bring books and quilting and take time out in a corner or bed every once in awhile.)
ReplyDeleteCan you take your own beverages -- something fun that you don't usually indulge in, but is non-alcoholic? (I'm usually toting Diet Coke with me when I go to either the inlaws' or my parents'.)
Yuck. I'm sorry.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
She sounds like a real piece of work. I hate it when family members gossip. My father is a pro at that.
ReplyDeleteHere is what I would do: I would take a tranquilizer or two and not drink. That way you will be relaxed and happy. Things won't make you as mad. And no one has to know that you took them! Maybe you can just sip the wine and give yourself a limit.
I am sorry. I go crazy around my in-laws. I often need to excuse myself and end up looking like a crazy bitch. I agree with TexasRed in that you should bring some papers to grade or something to do so that you can go and breathe.
Tranquilizers should solve the problem. I'm terrible, aren't I? Those pills are like gifts from heaven :)
So wait, what's the problem with getting trashed? LOL.
ReplyDeleteIt helps me when dealing with difficult people to pretend they are children. When a kid is having a fit, they are not doing it to piss people off--they are probably doing it because they are overtired, need attention, hungry, etc.
Why does SIL talk trash? Probably because she is insecure and wants to make you guys like her, and in mental-land that means talking bad about other people to you. Have you tried saying things like: "Look, I like MIL--why would you say this about her?"
But yeah, it definitely helps me to sort of take a step back from the situation and say: They are acting this way because of their own issues--I should pity them instead of getting upset. It doesn't work every time but it's worth a shot!
Mostly ((HUGS)) I hope it went okay yesterday!