I had a great few days on a trip with a few of my friends. We had lots of fun. I was excited to come home and spend some time with B, though.
Apparently, him, not so much. Since I got home, he's pretty much ignored me. He claims nothing is wrong, of course. We often run into the problem that we don't know what to do together. He's asked me several times what I want to do, I've responded, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" He has mostly just re-asked me the question.
Finally, he says, "You don't want to do any of the things that I want to do."
So, I asked what those things are. He responded, "Play video games, have se.x,..."
I called bullshit on the se.x part, because he hasn't come anywhere near me since I've gotten home. He didn't even hug or kiss me goodnight last night, after I worked to set up a romantic evening which ended with us in bed (not doing it). Maybe he does want to have se.x, but apparently not with me. He has had multiple opportunities to in the past two weeks, but doesn't.
Here's the thing. He started taking an anti-anxiety medication in late January, and since then, he's changed- not in a good way. He is no longer considerate of me, and never wants to touch me or do anything with me. I've brought this up to him, and a day later he just apologizes for "being a big jerk" but then never changes his behavior. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I hate this.
Any suggestions?
Is the anti-anxiety med affecting his ability to perform or his libido? Maybe a dosage change or med switch is in order...maybe thats his real problem but his outlet is to be inconsiderate and non-attentive in order to deflect the problem.
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs...talking to him calmly outside the bedroom may be the most helpful way to bring it up with him. Good luck!
Sounds so much like Kingman and I!! We are all "there is nothing to do"...and we end up in seperate rooms surfing the web on two different computers. LOL. We did go geocaching a few weekends ago and both of us really liked it! It was great to be outdoors, and seeing new parts of our city. If you have never done it- check it out! www.geocaching.com It is very easy for a beginner to get started on and to figure out how to do from the website!!!
ReplyDeleteSe.x advice? I got none for you there. This well is dry. I think ANY kind of mood alter medicine will mess with your libido- even if you don't relize it right off the bat. I know it does for me.
Maybe throw on a sexy lingere and fake it till he makes it!! LOL!!!
Thanks for answering the questions on my blog! Kingman was really reassured about your brother's surgery at 10 or 11. To quote him "oh- I might just sleep tonight" :)
{{HUGS}}
{{HUGS}} I hope that a large part of it is the medication. IS it possible to talk to his doctor about the side effects? As for as the se.x thing goes... Have you thought about initiating? I know that for me - sometimes I need the connection that comes from se.x, but at the same time, I'm not really in the mood. Just getting started, and doing it anyway helps. He may be wanting se.x, but at the same time not feeling like he can start things.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's a hard one. My DH and I are like that...what do you want to do? I don't know, what about you?
ReplyDeleteThe best thing I can suggest is to just talk with him about what he needs and wants. I know that anxiety meds can really have an effect on behavior (libido included). Try to be patient with him.
I think the whole 'what do you want to do' 'i don't know what do YOU want to do' business is fairly common -- DH and I go through that every so often. We just don't usually want to do the same things at the same time! I'm so sorry about the lack of attention from B, though, that's not fair... I agree with everyone here though, it definitely sounds like the meds could be to blame for the attitude shift. Many hugs! Hope he is more open to discussing it soon.
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ReplyDeleteMy husband's anti-anxiety meds (he is on Zoloft)really killed his sex drive so we had to sit down and talk about it and it has gotten better between us. We went through Lexapro and Wellbutrin and both were not working for him but Zoloft has been working really well for him. It took awhile to find the right medication but once we did things got better. We work on it together and his doctor has been a big help in adjusting his dosage. We got the right dosage now and he is doing so much better. If you ever need to talk I am here for you I know how hard this can be. Sending you hugs and wishing you lots of good luck!
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