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Last year, New Year's Eve was one of the worst days ever.  We found out B had no sperm.  This year, we are in hiding on New Years Eve.  We came home from a short trip today, changed into pj's and have been sitting on the couch watching tv all afternoon.  We have no plans for tonight.  We have a few bottles of sparkling wine that we picked up at some wineries the past few days and some good food to eat.  Good bye and good riddance 2009.  Please be nicer to us, 2010.  I hope that the New Year treats you well.

If all goes how I want it to, in 6 months I will be pupo (pregnant until proven otherwise).  As we get closer to 2010, it gets scarier and scarier to think about what is to come.  I still need to pick a doctor.  We still need to talk to B's brother about DS.  We still need to sort some things out financially.  There is a lot to do.  We are not doing anything for NYE.  After last year , we just want to lay low and hide out.  I think it will work.  We are going to one of my favorite places soon, so hopefully that will create a nice memory for this time of year.  I need for 2010 to be an improvement over 09.  I can't take another year like this one has been.  Please, please, please, please be a good year. 

Well, as expected, I had a pretty crappy Christmas.  Christmas eve was actually the best part.  We always celebrate on Christmas eve with my mom's side of the family.  That was actually fine.  Christmas day, not so much.  First, at my dad's side of the family lunch, I've never felt like such an outsider.  Christmas at the IL's started out fine.  BIL's dumb girlfriend decided to group each person's gifts in a pile, and we opened gifts one person at a time.  This took forever, and was kind of annoying.  For this group, we set up a gift exchange with B's brothers, so that we didn't have to buy for everyone.  I did the arranging for this, and think I did a good job.  I gave everyone opportunity to give input and include anyone else who was not included (didn't know if BIL's girlfriend was coming), compiled the responses, and sent out the information.  After all of that, B's brother went and got something for everyone, which really ...

My loving uncle A called the other day.  I haven't spoken to him on the phone since the day of that call in April.  We exchanged an email or two when he had some business he wanted to take care of.  Unlike that day 8 months ago, he did ask how things were going, before he sort of invited me to Christmas.  If the timing works, I'll likely go. The call was fairly late at night, after 8:30 pm, and I was being short in my responses, but mostly because I didn't know what to say. A:  Christmas will be at my house this year me:  Okay A:  You and B are more than welcome to come me:  Okay.  We're expected at B's parents' house at 4pm, so as long as yours is earlier in the day, that's fine. A:  Oh, we haven't gotten as far as planning a time yet me:  Well, let me know when you do and I'll let you know if we can come A:  Are you mad at me or something? me:  Is there a reason that I should be? A:  I don't know, I just felt like I...

The fallout from the eruption last week has been interesting.  Your comments were accurate-- it did need to happen and it is good that it did.  I feel like we have been more open about what's to come.  Part of getting all of that out has reopened the flood gates for me emotionally.  I was doing better and actually not crying every day.  I know the holidays bring on a whole new level of stress, not to mention the first Christmas without my brother.  One of the last greatest times I got to spend with him was Christmas eve last year.  He was in his true, great form.  I miss him so much.  This has all brought on the tears.  I was sitting with B in front of the Christmas tree and just started crying my eyes out.  Sad for the baby not in my arm, sad for my mom and the crappy year she's been through, sad for my brother, and just sad that Christmas will never seem right without my brother and father.  I've gotten more used to it witho...

Mt. Emmy blew her top yesterday.  I had an explosion unlike any other that I can remember having.  For the past few weeks, B has been making comments here and there about how expensive kids are, and how thy are a life-long expense, etc.  He said something again yesterday, after I lightly complained that he was spending a lot of money to build something for himself.  I lost it.  I screamed and yelled and stomped around the house, swearing.  I told him how I felt totally unsupported by him.  It was a really hard hour of sitting there saying nothing, talking, and thinking.  I told him that I know that I can't change how he feels about having a baby, nor can I change my thinking.  It was such a hard conversation, as part of me was really afraid of the resolution.  We are really no closer to anything, but I think that I understand B's concerns more, and I think he understands me better.  It sounds like we'll be talking to his brother aft...

I have been busy this week doing my civic duty as a juror.  Well, at least sitting in the courtroom as a potential juror.  Where I live, when you get jury duty, you only report for one day, unless you get on a case.  My time was up, so I went.  I was one of the first groups to be called up.  After going up to the courtroom, I found out that this case was a big one, as they had tried to seat a jury the day before, but didn't.  I sat in courtroom, listening while juror after juror was called up and dismissed.  It seemed we would never be done.  The day came to an end, but the jury was not complete, so we all had to go back again the next day.  I was not a happy camper about this, especially since I knew I would be dismissed if I made it to a juror seat to be interviewed.  My hope at this point was that I would get called up early in the day so I could be dismissed.  Finally, they seated the 12 jurors and called 3 people up to be inter...