test

I have been having lots of dreams recently.  I've also been sick and anxious, which has not lead to good sleep.  I wake up in coughing fits in the middle of the night and start thinking about starting stims in less than two weeks, my BIL's situation, wondering whose sperm will fertilize my eggs, finishing the school year, and all sorts of things.  Not so much fun. I did have a dream that I got a BFP that was confirmed by my RE.  It was so real, that I started worrying that I drank at a wine dinner the day before getting the BFP.  Crazy. In terms of the upcoming cycle, the lawyer stuff is almost done.  BIL has his conference call with his lawyer on Tuesday to go over our contract, and if all is fine, we'll all sign and be done.  My meds are ordered and will be shipped to me next week.  I'm not liking being on BCPs again.  I'm breaking out and have had a constant headache.  It really makes me worry about how my body will react to the drugs...

I have a lot to post. My brain is a scattered mess of it all, and I don't know whether to put it all in one post and break it into sections, or put it in multiple posts. Most pressing right now is my mother. I'm finding myself needing to take care of her and resume a parental role to her, as I did after my dad died . I am finding myself resenting her for it this time and don't know how to handle it. I don't have the emotional capacity to take care of anyone right now. What people don't understand is that I was grieving our IF before I was grieving my brother's death. I can't rebuild her just yet. I need someone to help rebuild me. I think I have the support network, if I asked for help, I don't know what to say to people, and they don't know what to say to to me! Next post to include (hopefully) stories of the REs and the choices to come, vacation, fun things I've done the last few days, fun things this weekend, cancer, and questions ab...