can't comprehend

This might be the worst post ever. I can't really think or understand anything, let alone write or type coherently.

Yesterday, towards the end of my work day, I got a call on my classroom phone. I answer it, and it is my mom is on the other end, hysterical. After asking her to repeat it, I heard her to say that she thinks my brother is dead. The paramedics were working on him, but she thought he was gone. I instantly said that I'd be right there. I called the office and told them I had to leave right away. They sent someone up to cover my class for the last 30 minutes.

I ran to my car and dashed out of the parking lot as fast as I could. I drove as fast as the other cars on the road would allow. I called B as soon as I got to a main road. He left work to go there too. I got there first, ran into the house, and saw my mom and step dad sitting on the couch in the living room and two paramedics standing there.

He was gone. He had been gone for a while. We don't know exactly what happened, but suspect an accidental overdose of some sort. 25 years old. I can't stop crying. I'm off to the mortuary today to work on funeral arrangements. We're hoping to have him buried with my dad. This is just so awful.

After the funeral planning, I'll probably go back to my mom's house for a little while. Then, B and I have his follow up appointment for the ultra sound and repeat s/a. B said that after yesterday, the Dr. appointment will be like being shot with a bb gun after being hit by a cannon. B also made the comment that our future child just lost a really cool uncle.