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Guess what?!?!?! B made his ultrasound appointment!! And, only what, one month after the last appointment and referral date! Way to go B!! The appointment is set for March 10th. He'll have the ultrasound and do a repeat s/a that day. I don't think I'll take the day to be with him, but if he wants me to I will. I feel so bad. Every time I try to talk fertility crap with B, he gets really sad and depressed and won't even look at me. I think he feels guilty about all of this, but he doesn't really want to tell me how he is feeling or anything. I know it is harder for him and that he doesn't have the outlets that I do. I can't help but wonder if he doesn't want kids badly enough to go through with this. Oh, please let them find something correctable in the ultrasound, or half a dozen sperm in the analysis. So, my hope is that B will make a urologist appointment very soon after the test day to go over the results. I do want to be at that appointme...

Thanks to What IF and Ella (who tagged me a month ago!) for giving me this "award." The rules: 1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. 3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself. Now the hard part: 1. I love to eat. I could eat and eat and eat and eat until I explode. I have no will power. (and I wonder why I'm so chunky...) 2. I never feel like I fit in. Anywhere. With anyone. Even here. 3. I'm not a huge animal fan. I think animals are cute and all, but I don't really want one. I like the freedom we have of being able to leave for days and not worry about anything. 4. I've suffered from severe clinical depression, to the point of being hospitalized. You know those anti-depressant commercials that have t...

So, a coworker was talking about finding a state website that shows you if you have any unclaimed property. My coworker found that she and her husband have almost $1,300 from the sale of their house a few houses ago! This, of course, prompted me to look up myself and B, and I found that B's old job owes him $914!!! I know it is not a ton, but that is a nice addition to savings! It's like a bonus month saving's contribution. I feel like it s a free grand towards our IVF fund. Also, job wise, I should find out next week if I'll get a pink slip, and if so how far down the list I am from being rehired. I am number 23, so if they lay off 25 people, I'll be the third to get rehired if positions open back up. At first, it looked liked they were going to lay off 45ish, and now it should be about half of that. So, that puts me right on the edge. If the district decides to furlough a few days, it will be less than half. So, here's hoping for 2-3 furlough days and...

For two evenings in a row now, I have had internet difficulty! Blogs just don't want to load! Also, when I try to post a comment, it tells me the page can't load or doesn't exist. Then, I go to look at the blog and I have left 3-4 comments in my attempts! Plus, yesterday and this morning then blogs that have the pop up for word verification wouldn't work for me either! It's hard to be a good commenter when the internet won't cooperate! So, if I left half a dozen comments on a post, I really didn't mean to. The internet kept telling me that it was broken or that your blog doesn't exist. And, if I didn't leave you a comment, there is a good chance I was trying to and eventually quit. I'll try again tomorrow!

Thank you all for the compliments on my photos! We feel so blessed to live where we do. A few weeks ago, I asked you to send sticky vibes to M, who was having a FET. She got a positive today!! I'm thrilled for her and her husband. Also, thank you all for all of the support you provide me. I'd be lost without you.

So, I've decided to jump on the show and tell bandwagon this week. I teach elementary school, yet haven't had my kids do show and tell for two years! I think I need to bring it back. I live very close to a park that has over 20 miles of hiking trails. I'm hoping the rain holds off until tomorrow evening so that I can take a few friends on my favorite trail. Here are some pics I took on the trail almost exactly a year ago! Here is the waterfall that I love to hike to. And the stream that leads to the waterfall. And a picture of a Lupine, one of my favorite wild flowers.

This is my second iclw. I really enjoyed it last month. I got to find lots of new blogs to read and also got my blog out there a bit more. I still feel pretty new to this whole thing! Here is my story, for those who are visiting for the first time: B and I met in 2001 and married in 2006 Ditched bcp last Feb. to start ttc B's semen analysis 12/08 showed zero sperm count- azoospermia Follow up labs show extremely high FSH levels for B, indicating B's pituitary knows that he is not making sperm correctly, all other hormones levels normal Urologist has no answers- orders testicular u/s and repeat s/a Now I'm waiting for B to schedule his u/s So, that is where we are. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted kids. B and I broke up a year and a half into our relationship because he said he never wanted kids (afraid he was too selfish to be a good parent and just generally insecure about the thought of being responsible for another). This lasted 2 weeks, until he decid...

I stopped taking my prenatal vitamins! I know I hope to get pg sometime, but for right now, it is really nice to be 'regular' again! #2 to come

So, I haven't been writing much, but I don't really feel like I have a ton to say!  I'm still waiting for B to make his u/s appointment- which, at this point, will probably be in a month or so.  So, nothing new on any baby making front. Valentine's Day was nice.  We had dinner with my parents, then watched a movie and drank some yummy drinks.  Sunday was lunch with B's parents.  That was nice, but a little..... strained.  We hadn't seen them since New Years, which is just too long in his mom's mind.  She forced us out.  She knows about TTC, but not about why it hasn't happened.  It'll probably be time to tell her soon.  Since New Year's eve, and the azoo diagnosis, we really have not seen much of family and friends and have been in a nice social lull.  That is all about to end!  Our lack of social events has been really good for me the past 6 weeks or so.  I am sad to see it end....

A friend, M, is having a frozen embryo transfer today. She has 3 embryos left from her last fresh cycle, which ended in miscarriage. She is having 2 transferred today. (why yes, only two! that's normal!) Here's hoping they survive the thaw and decide to take up residence in M's uterus for 38 or so weeks!

Ok, it is 4:06pm and I am sitting on the couch. What did I neglect to do today after work? My contract hours are from 8am-3pm. I left around 3:25 today and came straight home. It just feels like there is something I am supposed to be doing right now, but I have no clue what! Tutoring? Doctor's appointment? Food shopping? What am I missing? Where should I be? .... or am I in the right place... on the couch, in front of the tv, with my computer in my lap

So, I met a long time friend for a drink tonight. She and I became friends in 8th grade-- so quite a while ago. We had many fun adventures in high school. After freshman year of college, we started drifting apart, but have remained friends through the years. I maybe see her 4-5 times a year now, so not often. It was fun to catch up with her, but some of the conversation was strained. "I have a question for you, that is a little...." Inappropriate? "sort of..." Ok, well, then you'll understand if I don't answer or whatever "Sure.... are you having fertility issues?" Uh.... what would make you ask that? "Well, you mentioned on facebook something about going to the doctors. And you left a comment on some video of someone's baby that they are lucky. And, I can tell that you're not that happy." Uh.... ok. Yeah, we're having difficulty conceiving. "Is it anything that can be fixed? I know how much you want kids." ...

Well, we finally got the referral for the testicular ultrasound. DH is nervous to schedule it. I don't blame him. Anyone have any experience with these? Should I go with him? Why does this have to be so hard? One baby shower down, (hopefully only) two more to go in the next couple of months! I'm having a good weekend sitting home while it rains and is cold. B just went out for some groceries so I can make him cookies tonight. Yum.

I really like the rain. I hate driving in it though. I used to love going out and jumping in puddles and playing in it. I still like the rain now, although it inconveniences me more than it used to. My favorite is to be home, warm, dry, with a hot beverage listening to the rain. Like right now. Nice. Why is everything about babies? Every show I watch, person I run into, etc. all have baby something going on. I'm ready for a break!

Well, I told a few people at work about what B and I are going through.  I was given the perfect opportunity at my grade-level meeting last week.  I'm glad I did.  There are 6 other teachers who are on my grade-level team, and now 4 of them know.  The other two were not at school that day, and tend to be blabber-mouths, so it worked out well.  My team members were very supportive and asked a lot of questions.  One of my teammates is about to have a FET for her third round of IVF.  She was successful 1 out of her previous 2 cycles, so that was encouraging.  I feel weird in that two of the teacher's I work so closely with don't know, but I can't handle the verbal diarrhea of it.  Both of them have wondered what is going on with me and have asked if I'm ok on multiple occasions.  I do feel a bit of a relief-- a lot less like I am hiding something.  As expected, the whole conversation made me cry.  I know one ...