test

is macaroni and cheese.  It is one of the only things that sounds good to me, and it makes my tummy happy.  I got some last night for dinner, and just finished it off.  I haven't blown chunks yet, but feel like I am closer to that point every afternoon.   Last night, B and I 'were intimate' for the first time since before our procedures.  It's the longest we'd ever gone.  I was a bit nervous, but it was fine and I haven't had any spotting or anything.  B was so happy!   B hasn't said much about the pregnancy at all.  I've been a little bit worried that he is freaked out about the donor sperm, or that something else was going on.  Last night, when I got home from working, I noticed that one of the ultrasound photos wasn't where I left it (they printed out two for us).  I asked him if he took it, and he said that he did and that he put it in the office, by where he plays his video games.  That totally melted my heart and brought me to tears.  So cu...

I finally had my ultrasound!  We saw one beating heart.  They didn't measure or tell us the heart rate, but we saw it flashing away.  It looked like, according to the doctor, that both had implanted but one baby stopped developing about 2 weeks ago. The doctor has my due date as 3-16-11, which is one day earlier than I had it (making me 7w1d today) and the CRL measured 7w2d!  Here is a picture of my little blob. I go back on August 9th for another scan, then once more after that.  If all looks good at that point, I'll be released to an OB.  I am a bit disappointed that it isn't twins, but thrilled to have one healthy (so far) baby!

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my anxiety a few times on this blog.  It is to the point where I used to be on meds and have had panic attacks and such, but it's been better in the last two years or so.  There have been no meds in me, on a regular basis, for awhile. IVF and the  uncertainty of pregnancy has not helped!  I'm constantly worrying that the baby(ies) have died.  I don't want to make any plans for Thursday, in case there is bad news.  The reality of it is, though, that I would like things to do!  At the end of last week, my nausea really picked up.  It has seemed to wane a bit, which of course, gives me anxiety!  I also feel like I don't have to pee as frequently/urgently, and I am not sleeping as much. Today is 6w4d, and I hope those little ones are still growing and thriving.  It still seems like forever until Thursday's ultrasound.  I'm really glad I scheduled it for early in the morning, otherwise I think I'd go nuts. ...

It's been a whole week since I've had any confirmation that I am pregnant, and it is going to be another week (from tomorrow) before my ultrasound.  I wanted some confirmation, so I took another home pregnancy test!  It was the cheap internet kind that expires in a couple of months, and it's been almost two weeks since I've taken one!   Today's was fun, because the pregnant line showed up even before the pee made it to the control.   I've been hoping for twins, but recently thinking that it's just one.  A week from tomorrow we'll know!  I really need to find things to help make the time go faster!  I've been reading, walking, trying to spend time with friends, and all sorts of things.  The only thing I haven't been doing is housework.  I really need to get to that, but I have no motivation!   The suppositories are going well.  Really it is only the morning one that tends to leak.  I try to take an afternoon nap with my afternoon one, ...

I feel pretty boring these days!  I'm just plugging along, waiting for my ultrasound.  It did get moved to the 29th, when I'll be 7 weeks.  Time feels like it is moving so slowly!! Yesterday was my last PIO shot!  I am now on endometrin instead.  I am so happy to give my hips a break.  So far, the suppositories are okay.  They feel a little leaky, but it doesn't seem like anything has really come out onto my liner or anything.   Apparently, that graph that I mentioned in my last post doesn't exist anymore.  Luckily for me, Jenni found one and put my data in.  Thanks, Jenni !!  Here's my graph!

I know I've complained about the nurse I work with most of the time before.  Since then, she went on vacation and came back and was better the last time I saw her.  Until this afternoon.  I've gotten most of my calls with test results between noon and 3pm.  I decided to call them today at 4:15, when I hadn't heard.  I was getting really anxious that the reason I hadn't heard was because the Dr. wanted to call me personally to give me bad news.  Apparently, they were just behind and the nurse took my call.   I've come to the conclusion that she just isn't that bright.  One of the pharmacies that I use to get my meds changed to Walgreens specialty pharmacy and she didn't believe me when I told her that.  She insisted that I was wrong, despite the fact that I've spent a pantload of money there and have ordered refills from them.  Then, she went to schedule my ultrasound.  She said it should be 5 weeks after the egg retrieval.  Th...

The beta came in at 761, which isn't quite doubling in 48 hours.  It is something like 49.8 hours.  They want me to come back on Wednesday for a 3rd.  I know that this isn't too bad, but it feels bad to me.  I was really hoping to have over shot their expectations. In other news, a friend asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in March, on the other side of the US.  I told her to let me know more specifically when the wedding would be, when she knows.

Today is 4w2d.  Hardly anything in terms of a pregnancy, but farther than I've ever been before.  There has not been too much in terms of symptoms.  My stomach is a little off every once in a while- usually after I eat or drink something.  I'm not getting very many cramps anymore, though they were short lasting when they came.  The boobs are sore and have grown a little.  I've been pretty tired too.  Last night I slept for more than 9 hours, which is rare for me.  I even had a nap yesterday and 4 hours after waking up this morning, I'm ready for another nap! B and I are both cautiously happy, but know that we still have a long way to go to bring home a baby/babies.  The next step is beta #2 on Monday, then ultra sound on July 29th or 30th.  We really hope it's twins, but of course we'd just be thrilled by a real live baby.  We're already saying 'they' when referring to what's happening in there.  We haven't really celebrated. ...

My beta came in at 200!  They said that they like to see it over 100, so I figure 200 is good considering that its 1-3 days earlier than they usually do it.  I'll go in on Monday for a repeat test.

Ok, this will be the last pee stick picture I post, I promise.  It feels good to feed my addiction!  I called the doctor and get to go in for a beta tomorrow.  I was hoping it would be today, but tomorrow is certainly better than Monday. Here is today's glory: Sorry if I'm boring you with my pee stick obsession.  It's just so strange to see positives!  I can't get over it!

I am a POAS addict.  I admit it.  I have an addiction.  This morning, I started trying to satisfy my addiction with another internet cheapy hpt.  The test line was about the same as yesterdays first IC test line, actually now that I really compared the two, it is a smidgen darker.  So, I took out another IC, because yesterday the second one was darker than the first.  The second one had a TON of dye in it and the whole thing turned pink!  Then the test line started to appear.  There is still a bunch of dye in the background (2 hours later).  So, to finish off my addiction, I took out a FRER.  I thought that perhaps a 'real' test might give me some clues.  It's still pretty light, but I can see the line on the FRER!  I have an expired digital that I may try tomorrow.  I know it takes a lot more hcg to make the digital go, but if I'm doubling appropriately, I think it should work.  And if it doesn't, I can blame it on l...

I'm so hesitant to post this.  I don't want to get my hopes up, just to be crushed.  There is a long way to go, but I may be one step closer.   This morning, I peed in a cup to dip my sticks.   At first, I only dipped one and I watched and watched. Then I decided to go do something and come back. When I came back, it looked negative. Upon closer scrutiny, it looked like there could be a shadow of a line. Barely there, but a shadow. That's when I decided to whip out another one and an expired one. The expired one showed a little shadow too, although it was the kind that you can actually pee on and don't have to dip so the case makes a little shadow anyway. The other non-expired one showed a slightly darker shadow than the first- I think even DH will be able to see it when he wakes up. I've been here before.  In Oct. 2008 I had what I (and the message board world) thought was a positive test. I sat on the couch, just as I am right now, getting up occasionally to l...

I had some blood work done on Friday and I talked to the nurse about my PIO shots and that I'm not tolerating them well. She wants me to keep doing them, despite the fact that research has shown that the suppositories do just as good of a job. Later, I get a call with the results of my blood work- my E2 is fine, over 1,000 and my progesterone is lower than they'd like it. It's 26 and they want it over 30, so now I have to take 1.5cc of PIO instead of the 1cc I've been doing. Despite the ice, heating the injecting, massaging it in, moving around after to help it spread, and putting heat on it, I have a huge painful lump on my hip.  It hurts to sit, lie on my side (how I sleep), and wear anything that sits on the hip.   I asked the nurse if I should come back earlier than July 12th to have the prog. retested and she starts talking all condescendingly to me saying that the prog. level doesn't indicate pregnancy. I informed her that I was well aware of that, but thought...

I don't know how I'm supposed to stay positive and have hope after I just found out that none of the other embryos made it to blast or freeze.  What hope do my poor quality barely blast and morula have if nothing else made it.  I know I need to try to relax and hope/let these embryos settle in, but I haven't been able to stop crying since the doctor told me. My husband was the reason we needed IVF, not me.  We ended up using donor sperm, from someone who has gotten two women pregnant.  How can we only have had one make it to blast, albeit barely and poorly.  I want to be hopeful and positive, but am having a really hard time with that. My lower back/hips are killing me from the PIO.  There are barely any comfortable positions I can find- sitting or lying down.  I don't know how I'll be able to make it to beta.