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Well, I'm officially PUPO!  They transferred one blast and one morula.  I'm a bit worried that only one made it to blast stage today.  They are going to continue to culture the others and freeze any that get to blast in the next two days.   Okay little ones, time to grab hold of my nice, thick lining and snuggle in for the long haul,  I've got a movie in, a book to read, a cooler by my bed with some liquids and grapes.  I don't go in for a beta until the 12th!  That is so long!  13 days!  There is no way I'll wait that long to find out.  Pure torture!

It's so surreal to think that my babies are growing somewhere down the road from here.  I can't even believe that we are here and transferring tomorrow.  It really feels like it's taken forever and got here so quickly simultaneously.  18 months from azoospermia news to start trying to get pregnant.  It's been a rough road with lots of ups and downs.  It's taken forever and flashed by. I got a mani/pedi today!  I had a gift certificate so I didn't feel bad spending the money.  I didn't make it to the library today because a plumber was supposed to arrive between 2-4.  He got here while I was typing that sentence!  I do have three books to read, but I was saving them for tomorrow and on.  When I get into a book, I tend to want to finish it!  Hopefully some of my friends will be around to entertain me! Transfer tomorrow.  I can't wait to get my babies in me!

We didn't get anymore embryos.  But, 6 of the 7 that we had the other day are doing well.  They didn't give them a grade or anything, but said that 6 are doing really well and the doctor is pleased.  I'll get my transfer time tomorrow.  I hope those 6 keep thriving! In other news, I need something to do!  I've been pretty bored the last few days.  I don't know how I'm going to make it through the 2ww!

Well, so far we have 7 embryos! My doctor   thinks we might end up with 10-12 and will call again on Sunday with an update. I hope that all of the eggs that fertilized keep growing well and we have lots to chose from on Tuesday!

I'm back from the egg retrieval and doing well.  I have some cramps, but nothing worse than a bad period. They got 20 eggs!  I know they won't all be mature and that all of the mature won't all fertilize, but that is more eggs than they thought.  I hope that this good news is just the beginning of good news to come.

No sperm.  RE gave us a 10% chance of finding one 'twitching' in the tissue sample in the morning.  Lots of tears.  This almost feels like the initial diagnosis all over again. I thought I was prepared to handle this, but apparently not.  Known donor it is.

We're back from the mTESE.  B is doing well so far, but I think he is still numb.  He's upstairs resting with ice on the area.  The surgeon did not see any sperm, but didn't look through all of it.  We brought the specimen to my doctor's office for the embryologist to look through. I'm not feeling confident that they're going to find anything.  The reality hasn't hit yet, but I'm sure it will later when the RE calls.  Glad we have the donor backup. Trigger wasn't too bad last night.  24 hours till part two.

I get to trigger tonight! It looks like I have 8 good follicles on the left- 20-23mm and 3-4 on the right 19-22mm.  I'll go in on Thursday at 10am for the retrieval.  Hopefully that will yield 10-11 good eggs! Sperm retrieval is set for early tomorrow morning.  Really early.  We have to leave home before 5am to get there.  I'll take whatever they can find an hour across town to my doctor.  I'm trying to figure out if I should go to bed early and set an alarm to trigger, or if I should just stay up until 11pm.   I honestly cannot believe that we are here.  We'll know if there is sperm in 24 hours.  Crazy.

Hello ICLWers!  Welcome to my roller coaster! Here's the abridged version of my story. We started trying in April/May of 08.  Husband, B, was diagnosed with azoospermia (zero sperm count) on New Years Eve 2008.  We started investigating why, and the doctors couldn't find a reason.  In March, 2009 my brother died unexpectedly at 25 years old, which put a big hold on all of our TTC plans. We decided to take some time to heal emotionally and save up some money for IVF.  Our reproductive urologist gives us a 75-80% chance of finding sperm with a micro TESE, but that will be done the day before my egg retrieval.  We started our IVF cycle last Monday!  Today is day 8 of stims for me, and I am on my way to a check in a few minutes.  We're hoping for a sperm retrieval on Wednesday and an egg retrieval on Thursday.  If they don't find any sperm, we have B's younger brother as a known donor backup. I'll be back with an appointment update soon!

Father's Day has been a hard day for me for the past 15 years- since my dad died.  Last year, Father's Day was a disaster.  In looking back at that post and the following, I realized that I never talked about what a disaster that BBQ ended up being. I couldn't put on the fake happy face last year.  Well, I did okay for the first 30 minutes, until my SIL started whining about how hard her life is, and how awful it is to be across the country from her family.  She wanted to be with her dad, but had to settle for an hour long phone call.  I'd have to kill myself to be with my family, and she just has to get on a plane, but everything for her is the worst thing anyone could ever experience.  Her son broke both of his arms at the end of March, and had to have one rebroken and reset a few weeks ago, and she has the nerve to post on Facebook that that is the worst thing that could ever happen to a child.  No joke.  I just wanted to smack her for that. ...

I got back from my appointment, and I can't help but be a little disappointed.   My follicles have more of a variety in size than they'd prefer. The largest is 17mm and the smallest he considered still in the running/measured is 11mm. The majority are in the 13-15mm range. Hopefully the cetrotide will slow down the 17 and let the smaller ones catch up. Now he expects me to get 10-12 eggs. The retrieval will still be either the 24th or 25th. They'll call with the E2 and LH levels later and either have me adjust my dosage or not. I was hoping for better news- more follicles and around the same size. With the MF we are dealing with, the fertilization rate is pretty low which is why I was hoping for more.  If we end up using our donor backup, the number should be fine and we should get a decent number of embryos. E2 came in at 859 LH 3.4 Cetrotide does not like me.  I have a 1.5 inch swollen red welt where I injected it that itches.  

I'm looking for some good, fun, not stressful books to read.  I'd love some enjoyable, not depressing books.  Do you have any suggestions?  I'm hoping to hit the library next Monday or Tuesday. I'm still plugging along with the stims.  Today is day 5.  I go back for a scan and blood work tomorrow.   I certainly feel bloated and full in my abdomen.  Hopefully I'll know the retrieval date tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. I've found that the Menopur stings less if I am leaning back and relaxing.  Also, it isn't as bad when it is cold- at least for me. I was productive today!  I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical, cleaned up a pile of clothes I've been neglecting, and cleaned out all of my drawers.  My give away/donate pile has more than doubled!  Now I kinda want to take a nap, but I am meeting a friend for a walk in 2 hours.  Hmm....

I had my first monitoring appointment today. They said that my follies were not as big as they had hoped, but that it sometimes happens with people in my age range and they have a growth spurt later. My E2 is 156. I have around 15 follicles growing. They didn't give me exact numbers, but about 10 are in the 7-9mm range, and 5 are in the 4-6mm range. I'll go back on Saturday for a recheck. In the mean time, they're keeping my meds the same- 225 of gonal-f in the morning, and 2 vials of menopur in the evening.   I hope that the follicles grow and get to where they should be.  Yesterday's Menopur was worse than the first day.  There were a few things that were different.  First, I was standing up yesterday, and sitting on Monday.  Second, it was at room temperature yesterday and cold on Monday.  Today I will try cold and sitting.  I notice that I'm getting sore spots on my tummy.  It will make the rest of the days interesting if this continues! ...

Well, my first shot is in- 225 iu of gonal-f.  I'll be taking that in the morning, and 2 vials of menopur in the evening.  I don't know, but that seems like a lot of stims!  Now that I have the gonal-f done, and it wasn't that bad at all, I'm afraid of the menopur.  I hear that it burns.  Any tricks or tips from those who've BDTD?  Fast, slow, ice, heat, etc? First follie check is on Wednesday.

Well, all of my meds are here.  I go in tomorrow to learn how to do them and find out my doses and things.  The good news with having a Sunday appointment is that B can come too.  He's never been to the RE before.  I've done this all on my own. My stockpile:

I'm suppressed! I had my u/s and blood work done today to make sure that all is quiet on the ovarian front. I got to see where the follicles will start growing and my lining is 6mm. They were 45 minutes late taking me back, so I had to leave after they took the blood, but before I got my instructions/injection lessons. I will go back on Sunday to learn how to do the shots and find out my med doses. My first box of meds arrived today- the gonal-f and cetrotide. The rest of it will come tomorrow. It's almost time for the gratuitous med picture!   A week from today I'll go for my first follicle check!  Still going antagonist protocol and he's expecting/hoping for 12 or so eggs.  

I have been having lots of dreams recently.  I've also been sick and anxious, which has not lead to good sleep.  I wake up in coughing fits in the middle of the night and start thinking about starting stims in less than two weeks, my BIL's situation, wondering whose sperm will fertilize my eggs, finishing the school year, and all sorts of things.  Not so much fun. I did have a dream that I got a BFP that was confirmed by my RE.  It was so real, that I started worrying that I drank at a wine dinner the day before getting the BFP.  Crazy. In terms of the upcoming cycle, the lawyer stuff is almost done.  BIL has his conference call with his lawyer on Tuesday to go over our contract, and if all is fine, we'll all sign and be done.  My meds are ordered and will be shipped to me next week.  I'm not liking being on BCPs again.  I'm breaking out and have had a constant headache.  It really makes me worry about how my body will react to the drugs...